The Rules of Life Annotated
August 26, 2014
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The Rules of Life Annotated
As decreed by G.R. Hambley
- Don’t defecate where you eat
Rule one is simple stuff. It just isn’t as simple as don’t crap in your home. We humans eat and feed in many places. Some might even call not dumping where you eat relationship skills.Examples of excreting where you eat include;
confronting a loved one, friend or colleague with fears and suspicions not facts
having an office affair … in the office
failing to recognize the contributions others make that have directly benefited you
- Don’t mess with bears
Believe it or not there are biped bears and you have to watch out for them more so than the furry quadrupeds. It is important to pay attention to the creatures around you so you can recognize the bear and govern yourself accordingly. Whether they have four feet or two feet, bears will eat you and not in a way that you like.
- Don’t ever invalidate someones feelings
How ever ridiculous or silly or wrong or misplaced you may think someones feelings are, they aren’t. You tell someone they shouldn’t feel the way they do and you are headed for a world of trouble. You may wind up wishing you had been eaten by a bear.It is good and helpful to say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I wish you didn’t feel like that”.If you find yourself going around and around on the same feeling with a friend or loved one it also helpful to point out the number of times you’ve talked about that feeling and you’re wondering why that feeling remains as is without change.
- The Blue Whale is your friend
Long long ago when I was young and impressionable I was watching television, yes television and a highly emotional scene was taking place. In the scene the question was asked, “do you know why the Blue Whale has a brain the size of your fist?” The answer to that question, “because that’s the way it is.”. That is to my mind my first real lesson in acceptance. I got it. I got it right away and it has stuck with me and been something I’ve used and held up for others to look at for decades. I can’t even count all the times I’ve brought out the Blue Whale for others.There are times when you can do everything right and what ever “it” was you were doing goes terribly wrong. At some point you are just going to have to accept it for your own peace in mind. No I did not typo and I did not misquote either. I said it and I’ll repeat it, accept it for your own peace in mind. When you find the way, that way, to be accepting you release your mind from denial and turmoil. You remove denial and turmoil and you are going to be a much happier and healthier you.In its own way by failing to “accept” you also fail to take ownership which can also be known as denial. See Rule 5 for further explanation.
As you journey through life, take the Big Blue Guy I love with you! Introduce him to others when they are distressed. Sit down talk it out, feel your way through and find the acceptance. Good for them and good for you!
- Own what is yours
Take ownership of what you do, what you say, what you mess up and what you do good. We all know there are those who will try and take away for themselves what you have done good. It is your responsibility to yourself to refuse to let anyone take away your good.
The more you recognize what you own the easier it is to recognize what you don’t own and give it back!
- You don’t have to get over it
I believe there are some things you should not get over, ever. Get through it, get around it, yes. Get over it, no. I believe you must remember what got you from there to here. Those remembrances and lessons will help you get from here to where ever there may be.
If you prefer, this falls in to the same category as learn from history or repeat it!
- Don’t forget you are the animal human
One of the things I say to people is we sometimes get in to trouble because we forget we are animals. We are the animal human. Like all other animals we have instincts and we humans can get in to some serious problems when we don’t use those instincts as well as our brains. I am a proponent of, “Feeling your way through”. I mentioned feeling your way through in rule 3. Feeling your way through depends as much on instinct as it does on what your brain is processing.
- It’s all about me isn’t necessarily selfish
Everyone has heard, “If you can’t make yourself happy you have no happiness to spread around”. Everything you encounter, think, feel, express is all about you and how you absorb and react to what is taking place. Do you want to be seen as thinking, feeling, sentient creature or as something less than that? So while it is all about you for you, it is all about them for others and that is vitally important to remember.
- Never give yourself the worst of it
Part of giving yourself the worst of it is owning something that isn’t yours. There are many out there who are glad to hand you the dirty end of their stick. Those people are more than happy to abdicate what they own and in the process build themselves an excuse or a rationalization or both.Don’t be beating yourself up over matters you cannot control. Invoke the Blue Whale on those things you can’t control. Sure try and help if you’re inclined to do so but don’t feel obligated to pull the stick out of for somebody else.Don’t take on those things that you know belong to others because that is most definitely giving yourself the worst of it!
- You can say anything you want
Yes I believe and practice this rule in my every day life. I also believe you cannot say what you want any way you want. Be understanding and compassionate while you’re expressing what you are thinking and feeling. I will say to people, “I appreciate what you’re saying and I hope you can appreciate what I’m saying”. Pick your words carefully and consider the company you’re with when you respond. The old axiom of, “Think before you speak” is an old axiom for a reason. I use “axiom” because I’m not a fan of cliché because cliché is defined as, “a trite or obvious remark”.
- Don’t wanna know, don’t ask
Well if you don’t wanna know don’t ask me. You ask me something I will answer you. You may not like what I tell you. That is not my problem it is your problem. I will answer you thoughtfully and with consideration of you and your feelings.If you commiserate with the individual and support the stance or their position, even when you only do so in your head and your own feeling differs, you may find yourself in the position of openly supporting that person. You may then find yourself in the position of having to tell them you didn’t really mean what you said at some point in time. That scenario happens and you’ll find yourself in something else which brings me to the next rule.
- Someone pausing for breath or thought isn’t an invitation for you to speak
You are having a conversation, debate, argument with someone and naturally enough you want to take any opening you percieve to get your points in and take the upper hand.Rushing in when someone pauses in their delivery for breath or to form a thought usually starts the person that was interupted firing back immediately with more volume and tone because they do not apprecaite what you did. You interupt that way and the other person thinks you’re trying to bully your points or views across and over top of their position.Avoiding confrontation and a shouting match is simple stuff. Just pay attention to the person you are in conversation with. Usually the person will give you a sign they’re done for the moment and it is your turn to respond. If you’re not sure if the other person is done speaking, ask them, nicely.
- No means no, for everything!
- There will be more rules when I make them up
Cant use these rules? Don’t like these rules? Nobody said you can’t make up your own!
G.R. Hambley ©