Contemfutzing – Disturbing The Space

Contemfutzing

You ever get stuck looking for a word?

Does trying to find that one word you want in the myriad of words you know aggravate you no end? Naturally enough, you’re scrapping through the quagmire of nouns, verbs, adjectives and other assorted parts of the language while in conversation with someone and they’re waiting for a response.

The person is looking at you with the, “is this gonna take long because I’m getting bored and would rather calculate pi to the last digit than wait for you to find the damn word you’re looking for thank you very much”.

I took a test. The number of words I know, while not multitudinous, is vast. Not being able to pull the word out after three or four selections from the list in what I call a mind just bugs the shit out of me! Yes that is correct, all them words and I use a famous four letter one. Hey it happens, I aint ashamed of it and it is exactly the word I want cuz it does bug the shit out of me! Now were this going on in front of you, I’d be using my inside voice to curse.

When a hamster flies off the wheel is when I start Contemfutzing. Actually I got four turbo charged hamsters on an over sized wheel with a Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia cooled thalamus. There is a gerbil in reserve, but lets not go there.

The contemfutzing is taking place and then the even worse hits. The word you want comes zipping full tilt boogie in to your tortured noggin, says, “well hello, good to see ya” and beats an even faster retreat before you’ve had the half a nanosecond you need to nail that sucker down in conscious thought. The word flies away and you’re left making strange sounds that would be cute if uttered by an infant but leave you looking sillier than you sound. I hit that and I’m about a ½ step from full blown Dead Head Mode.

There are times I’ve had to resort to making up my own words and this is one of those words, “constervation”.

Now with “contemfutzing”, I have another of my own words to use to bafflegab the hard of thinking and the not so hard of thinking too! The not so hard of thinking seem to have more distress cuz they’re trying to process and it just aint connecting the dots or completing the circuit path.

Contem, from the contemplating. Futzing is from, well,” futzing”. Now for those who don’t know this, “futzing” is highly technical term for those of us who have superior computer skills. Sometimes it can be relevant to doing tech support. Support as in, “I had to do some futzing with an end user and once it was diagnosed the problem was a PEBKAC, (problem exists between keyboard and chair) I was able to resolve the issue with the Silent Donkey (my definition).

Futz can also be found on the Urban Dictionary site. I have a different meaning for the word than you’ll find there.

Then there is, “futzing” which is much closer to what I consider futz to be.

Somebody has to make up words and I like it. It is all about me! As long as it makes sense to me, I’m good. Doesn’t make sense to you, hey I’ll put on my “is it gonna take long for you to figure this out cuz you should really know it and I don’t wanna have to explain critical thinking to you” expression. Then of course there is the fact I’m a big proponent of better you than me looking silly and making unintelligible sounds.

Futz? Well futz you cuz I aint wasting time or dawdling. I’m attempting to nail that word down so I don’t gotta explain long time. If I wanted to explain long time I’d use French. Please don’t write me, it’s a joke, a language joke, MERDE!

The whole purpose of words is so you can communicate. The more words you know the more clearly you can communicate. The more words you know the faster you can communicate. The faster you communicate the faster you can just get the hell away from someone before you’re forced in to a constervation.

A word of advice, you ever see me contemfutzing, beating a hasty retreat is probably in the best interest of both of us!

G.R. Hambley

PS … The gerbil is like one them teeny wanna be tires you put on when you blow out a real one! I didn’t want anyone thinking it was something else that is an urban legend and to my knowledge to date has not been proved. If it has been proved, I don’t wanna know.

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