Show me a WELFIE!
Or … Starting a new craze
I like radio. Listen to the radio quite a bit. Hell, I’ve been listening to radio a lot, for a lot of years. One of the beauties of radio is you don’t have to be looking at it. Radio is there and I’m cognizant of it. Radio doesn’t get in the way of the other things you are doing. I appreciate not having to park my butt in front of the Radio.
If you’re getting the idea I’m just not big on television you are correct.
I want a story, I write one. I want a pretty picture or a scary one, I make it. I want to be entertained and don’t want to in the moment do it myself, I will generally go read others. There are some fine sitcoms on WordPress. I haven’t spoken to the writers of the sitcoms I read. They might not care to be mentioned as a sitcom to someone else’s mind so you can go discover them for yourselfie.
Radio, I’m hearing it like most of us do when we are working, relaxing, or doing what we do that we don’t talk about in even semi polite mixed company.
I listen to a classic rock station and am listening to that station now as I write. Morning drive is different than afternoon drive. More talk and fewer tunes in the morning. Music or talk I take it in and compartmentalize what I hear or just drift with the tunes. Yup, sing along as I write and work too.
For me, and you can save time and despise me now if you like, I am a morning person. I’m more alert and receptive in the morning to what goes on around me than in the afternoon. By late afternoon, me, myselfie and I for the most part aren’t interested in much more than a cookie, a drink, a story and a sucky thing.
The other morning the conversation on the radio going out to the multitude turned to a version of the, “Selfie”. My spell check doesn’t even recognize “Selfie” as a word. With what I’ve heard and seen I’m gonna go with not recognizing Selfie as a word is a damn good thing! Yeah I don’t care what Urban Dictionary may say on this one! This sucker needs to go to the list of words we don’t use anymore simply because of the offshoots that are cropping up. Further along I’m gonna have an offshoot for you of my own for this non-word.
The on air folks start talking about the semi latest not so greatest, the, “BELFIE”. For those of you unaware, the BELFIE is a BUTT SELFIE. Research shows me the BELFIE can also be a boobs selfie and protocol requires just boobs and no BBELFIE. I didn’t stutter, that would be no Belly Button in with the boobs. There is even a web site for the BELFIE. Again, find it for yourselfie. Of course your mind is going to a whole other definition of boobs on this as most people would.
On air talent explores the topic further and along with the Selfie Stick it is reported you can also buy a Belfie Stick. It was broadcast to the masses that you too can have a BELFIE STICK for only eighty bucks.
Yeah they got my attention. Enough so that I gave the radio tab on my browser a side long glance. The “are you frickin’ kiddin’ me” glance with the associated head shake to clear my ears.
Much to my disbelief and ultimately horror, they also brought up a thing called the “BACIAL”. Yeah you guessed it, a BUTT FACIAL. No I’m not digging up a link to Bacial’s. If that is something you want, go get it for yourselfie.
Right at this moment as I write the on air personality is asking for a selfie of where you are listening to the station. Yeah like that’s gonna happen! If these eyes are coming off the page it’ll be for something worth getting caught looking at! I’m in a coffee spot at lunch time, you do the math.
I’m old school. Getting your ass waxed means an entirely different thing to me. I’m also thinking what I know as an ass waxing should be applied to those who are getting and giving the BACIAL. I also think, hell I believe, if you’re going to be face down with you derrière up in the air you should be the one getting paid for the experience. If you are one of those getting paid for the experience to quote the great Linus Van Pelt in regards to The Great Pumpkin, “I don’t wanna know”.
In my travails for this piece I also discovered the, “Selfie Toaster”.
I have a cousin, beautiful woman by anyone’s definition. An unhealthy relationship with her phone to my mind but hey that’s to a mind that refuses to be jacked in. When I sent my cousin a note asking how she could not have one of those selfie toasters she let me know with enthusiasm, she will soon!
Self preoccupation, I wasn’t this self absorbed when I reached puberty. It just occurs to me, a Selfie in the pre-dirt age would also be something entirely different but also applicable in the current cyber age. Yeah I don’t wanna see that either but thanks for asking.
What do I want to see?
I want to see your WELFIE!
You’ve never heard of a WELFIE? Oh I’m sorry, forgive me, this is where I give you the SELFIE OFFSHOOT.
A WELFIE is selfie of you giving yourself a WEDGIE and taking a phone photo of it! Now that’s what I wanna see! Now that’s entertainment!
Not just one of those undies pulled mid way up your back welfies. I wanna see the ATOMIC WELFIE! I wanna see the waistband of what ever undergarment you’re wearing pulled up over your silent donkey head!
I wanna see the butt floss taught as an over tightened guitar string. I wanna see a knot tied into the waistband in the shape of a rose right in the middle of your forehead.
You join your Selfie Stick to your Belfie Stick and you get both angles for me and send it along! Maybe I’ll do a contest and the winner gets two weeks at an information overload detox centre!
Get at it people! Send me the photos of your ATOMIC WELFIE!
And cousin, for the well being of our familial relationship, you’re exempt! If you insist on joining in on this new craze, for me, as a favour, Great Pumpkin It!
January 15, 2015