GPS “N”, new technology
June 16, 2015
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New GPS “N” Technology Announced
GPS “N” Canada LLC announced today that their new device has been thoroughly tested and is ready for release to the public. GPS “N”, with the ”N” representing Nachos . This device will lead hungry consumers in all 10 provinces and 3 territories to their favourite Nacho locations.
The device is programmable to allow for coast to coast trips without once ever having to stop at the place with the Arches. The device can route your trip so you don’t even ever have to pass an Arches location. Early reports show that parents are ecstatic with this option.
GPS “N” Canada C.E.O. Hal Payneyo stated that future models of the device will have breathalyser functionality. The device will auto enable at 2:00 am local time. The full details of operation are to be worked out but the aim is to prevent those under the influence from being able to find nachos and to just stay home or have the delectable delivered.
The GPS “N” C.E.O. did express regret the device would not be available to our friends and neighbours in the U.S. of A. Mr. Payneyo stated that importing such a device in to America had been vetoed by President McChucky with absolutely no explanation given. Mr Payneyo sincerely wished that a certain small fire incident would someday finally be gotten over by our friends below the 49th parallel and we could have a true free trade relationship.
In related news, The “GPS (get poutine sooner) Coalition” has set up pickets and has demanded the device be reconfigured to include Canada’s favourite heart attack in a box treat. Leaders of the Coalition have threatened to escalate the matter with the use of force if the demand is not met.
This reporter was unable to learn from the leaders of the “Get Poutine Sooner Coalition” if they were referring to a large Pacific fish or a hockey stick. This reporter was also unable to determine where the GPS Coalition planned to put those Cohos or KOHOs.
G.R. Hambley – June 15, 2015
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Poutine – s.yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/GB64BqgSBx_Srqakchjn3A–/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NzY4O3E9OTU7dz0xMDI0/http://canadacheeseman.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/poutine.jpg
Mario Koho – ebay.com/itm/MARIO-LEMIEUX-PITTSBURGH-PENGUINS-SIGNED-KOHO-REVOLUTION-HOCKEY-STICK-JSA-NICE-/151438602375?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item234271b087
Coho Salmon – yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/k8jYJSV55sN56jevoBs3.Q–/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NzE1O3E9OTU7dz0xNDIz/http://www.fda.gov/ucm/groups/fdagov-public/documents/image/UCM059828.jpg