Now it’s twenty seven years!
Celebrating the unhappy anniversary number of twenty and seven. I generally do a bells check at the anniversary date. By bells I mean the state of me physically and emotionally. There are other bells and the last time I checked they were all still where they belong.
Been doing this self assessment for a number of years at the anniversary date because it helps me take an honest look at the changes in me over the last year.
For those of you new to me, I have presented in the past that it was an MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident), March 5th, 1989 that my life changed in an instant. That I was rear ended is about all you need to know here.
The anniversary refers more to the aftermath than the accident itself. I am now 27 years without a pain free day. I was thinking about being pain free and I simply cannot remember anymore what that it was like to be without pain. For me, like many others, pain is normal, pain is usual, pain is a constant. Hell, I don’t even wonder anymore what it would be like to be, at least on occasion, pain free. I imagine it is just the same for other chronic pain sufferers that have endured the very long haul.
The last year had a drug change for me. The change in consultation with my Doctor has me taking something beyond acetaminophen. Been taking the drug for about 6 months now and this thing has its merits and its pitfalls. The drug is Gabapentin which was designed for epileptics to block signals from the brain to nerves. The drug is also used by those including me that do not suffer from epilepsy.
The drug doesn’t do a whole hell of a lot for the Osteoarthritis. What points the drug hit certainly give much appreciated relief. A few years back I was receiving nerve blocker shots once a week. Duration of the effect was about 2 ½ days and there were so many spots to hit all areas couldn’t be hit. Only so much of the solution you could have in a week. The day of getting the shots was rough, just wanted to get home and lie down for 2 or 3 hours after the procedure.
The capsules daily, for me, a far better management mechanism!
I’ve stated previously my reasoning on why I didn’t take much of anything for pain. For me it is all about the cognitive. If I don’t have the cognitive functionality I am going to be one very unhappy individual! Using Gabapentin I remain cognitively fine. The side effect of some physical wobbles isn’t so bad. Especially not bad if you bump in to someone soft and not a wall!
This “El Nino” winter has been more challenging than last year when it was a frigid one. I went so far last year as to name the 2nd month of the year, “FrickUary”. I’m also S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) so by this time of the winter I’ve had more than enough of it for several people! The only thing that really works for me is natural light, sunshine. Even in January and February, if it’s cold and sunny I’m generally not bad. I do take vitamin and mineral supplements as worked out with my Doctor.
This year it has been very warm, very damp and with very little sunshine. I’ve felt it big time. The winter blues magnified greatly. I was more output visibly productive writing last year in “FrickUary” than I was this year in February. I have a few things on the go including a major poetic work.
Visible output, I have a standard that I set for myself. I only compete with myself and that is big enough task for anyone. Competing with yourself, challenging yourself. I’ve done that big time in the last year by finally getting lyric poetry down and down real well. “Baby Be Mine” was the last one I wrote and I’m especially fond of “From The Stars” for the lyric and the photograph of mine.
I’ve had to pay closer attention and examine myself as the drug masks sensation. There has been more noticeable deterioration this year. I do fidget more and believe in some way the fidgeting is a benefit from having some degree of pain relief. I think better when I move so this is very good! Seeing me writing is a strange sight indeed to those who don’t know me.
The book that is still in progress on my experience with chronic pain, my narrative writing has become better in the last year. I’ve been in and out of that endeavour some. Don’t know if I should have been on that book more or not. I’m going to go with the chronic pain book is in the exact spot it is supposed to be in at this point in time.
I added a second blog spot in the past year. That blog spot, SPASM Canada is where I can exorcise my intelligent donkey more freely. My idea of the separation of church and state if you like.
I’ve had a few blessings this year and one very special one in particular that has been a wonderful help creatively and personally a good friend.
Dealing with pain, any pain, is never easy. Physical pain plays on us emotionally as well. We all have to find our own way to cope and hopefully we don’t get lost in the journey.
I know I’ll continue along the path a little slower and with no less resolve. I’ll have another update for you next year on this date.
Take care of you and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
March 05, 2016
PS … An intelligent donkey is a smart ass and I’m a good one!