Autonomous Cars; Stop Them Before They Kill!

SAVE THE CAR TUNES!

An entire musical genre will be killed by Autonomous Cars and killin’s a crime! We must save the “Car Tunes”! The evil must be stopped. We simply cannot let the enough to frost you flakes win!

It hit me like a truck carrying 30,000 pounds of bananas. It took my breath away and turned me cold. Left me feeling fuzzy, distorted, like I was looking out of just one eye.

There is conspiracy to set loose this killer in our midst. We must come together and stop them. Stop them before there are none of us left who can even recognize that a dastardly deed was perpetrated!

Autonomous Cars; have you considered what is going to happen to “Car Tunes” and “Cruising”? There will be no more new “just gotta get me in my car and go” tunes.  Aint nobody is going to know the pure pleasure of cruising metal so how the hell is anyone going to write new “Car Tunes”?

Reworking, “Row Your Boat” in to, “Roll Your Robot” just aint cutting it for me.

Those of us who love to drive must crush these bastards! Anyone that would do such a despicable thing, you just gotta question their parentage. Are the perpetrators inbred and so lacking in mental acuity they didn’t see it? Are they inherently evil?

Lets just leave it at “Bastard” as representing a file. It is more than fair to say these Bastards are rubbing me and not in a good way!

We should be be real clear about what we are and what we aren’t talking about. We are talking about enjoying driving. I love to just cruise sometimes. Tunes and road with time to think and sing is good for what ails you.

We know what happens when certain songs come on, that urge to pedal faster is compelling. We are not talking about going like a bat out of hell cuz you’re in a hurry. Cruisin, there aint no hurry, ever. If you’re in a hurry, you are not cruising. Simple stuff.

We aint talking about public displays show casing the mine is better and faster than yours set. We aren’t talking about behaviour that’s going to have you kissing your own or anyone’s life away either.

Cruising aint speeding and cruising aint racing. You know what they aren’t so don’t do it.

I’m not going to go through all the players with this. All are much the same so I’ll stick with the Michigan 3.

I see FORD recently gave 1Billion to A.I. research. Yes you American Heavy Metal Muscle fans, FORD is going to be putting Mustang Sally out in the ally, forever. No more ponies but there will be lots of pictures of peonies on the digital viewer during your moderated coastal transport.

Chevrolet, a couple million Killer BOLTS on the run by 2018. Fleets of them Bolts brought to you by dolts. Driverless Fleets, and a good time was had by a few, at bonus time.

So what did they kill? Good times for sure and jobs too. I’m not seeing where each vehicle would require a single operator like a tactical drone. The Bolt is, “an on-demand ride-sharing network application”. It doesn’t cruise, ever.

While I was tuning this baby up, “Good Friend” asked me, “If an autonomous car parks illegally who pays the fine?”. This does resolve a service issue as we will still need these people to crack down on those autonomous villains!

Chrysler, something called the “Portal”. Isn’t that a comforting cozy name? It sounds like space travel and makes me wonder if we’re closer to teleportation than we’re being told. Damn thing doesn’t have any pedals so you just know the vehicle is a mechanism for delivering the blasé.

Yes, “Life Is A Highway” and we can do without the “Rascal Flatts” way of doing it cuz it’s just damn wrong Mr Disney! Supporting Canadian Rock is no different than supporting American Heavy Metal!

On this highway of life, driving yourself is way up there on the pleasure curve. Even in adverse conditions, I’m good and in truth more comfortable having the wheel than being the passenger.

Car Tunes, lots of them! More than even I believed possible. I’ll warn you, some of them aren’t that good.

So if Autonomous Vehicles are the way of the future, will the “Car Tunes” be written by an A.I. with Auto-Tune? Can you imagine what those songs are going to sound like? Ew!

I suppose I can handle the words with things like “Beach Bound” and “Everyone’s Girl” but I’m going to need someone to write the dots cuz I just aint got the skill set.

Girls, you got the drive to drive too. The guys all know there are women that have exactly the same desire as men, the girls who love to go go GO CRUISIN’! Parking is different than cruisin’ which can lead to parking.

See if you road roaming Chickies can work with this…

Crop this baby blues top, give it a rag, eye candy in the shot gun seat and tell me you aren’t ready to be crusin’!?

Personally, I’m oh so good with the wind blown bewitching! No I won’t be wearing an Ascot!

One more thing girls, when you venture out, If it’s PCH* you be crusin’ on, do not, rocket launch an alligator lizard!

All kidding aside, I demand the autonomy to drive myself!

G.R. Hambley ©
March 27, 2017

*PCH – Pacific Coast Highway

For Your Cruise Listening Pleasure
30,000 Pounds Of Bananas – Harry Chapin
One Headlight – The Wallflowers (Jacob Dylan)
Radar Love – Golden Earring
Racing In The Street – Bruce Springsteen
Last Kiss – Pearl Jam
Good Friend had this to say about Pearl Jam’s cover when I said PJ’s  cover is what I’m going to use and I agree with the analysis ; Pearl Jam’s version captures the mood better than the original, which was too cheerful for the content.
Mustang Sally – Wilson Pickett
Lovely Rita – The Beatles
Life Is A Highway – Tom Cochrane
Ventura Highway – America

Grace Kelly and Cary Grant – To Catch A Thief 1995 – Hitchcock

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