transitionu

Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Category Archives: Awareness

If I Can Do It

If I Can Do It

If I can do it, you can do it!

The truth is, no, you can’t do what I do. Before you hurt yourself, or someone else, stop it!

I was asked about how I felt about the statement, “If I can do it, you can do it”. The asker’s context had to do with the statement as applied to someone with an addiction.

We aren’t talking trivialities here. This is not about the annoyance of someone who can and someone who can’t put a dish in the dishwasher.

The question was given to me with the following;
Not only was the tone condescending, the phrase itself seems to  imply “no matter how difficult your struggle may be, mine was even more so, yet I overcame it. So you really have no excuse.”

Lets move to the application of that phrase that we have no problem accepting, advertising.  Silly people think running that phrase out is a motivator and will boost sales.

My response included not only my disdain for that “Then you can” statement and the attackers who run it out as well as my disgust with the, “Give it your 110%” crowd. You aint got 110% so stop trying to give what you aint got! It’s making you nuts, stop it!

On any given day your 100% is different. Some days you’ll accomplish more. Some days you’ll accomplish less. Most days, you’ll accomplish about the same. At the end of the day if you can honestly say you gave it your 100%, you’re doing just fine. If you’re being told your 100% isn’t good enough, exploring why isn’t a bad thing to do.

Back to the main feature, “If I can do it, you can do it”.

That statement/action hits a few of my trigger points bang on. The passive/aggressive and the emotionally controlling brought to you by your local know nothing at all.

The term we’re talking about here is “Attack Therapy”. I do not believe in that approach because I believe attacking someone is going to result in failure. Then of course there is the fact the person being attacked isn’t at their best. You just don’t know what your attacking is going to do to an already problem psyche!

If “Attack Therapy” is something you believe you need, punch this in to your search engine, “Landmark Forum Attack Therapy”. I went to one of Landmark’s information sessions; couldn’t believe the audacity of one of Landmark’s individuals getting up in my face and not wanting to back down.

My masthead way up there says, “Certified Professional Coach”. The guy at Landmark Forum who was  up in my face, he wasn’t. No matter how much he wanted to believe or have me think he is a coach, he wasn’t and never will be; at least not a good one. He hasn’t got the sensitivity required and being trained in “Attack Therapy”, he never will because he is about beating you down in to submission and building you up in the Landmark Image.

I wasn’t in the least pleased with this individuals acting out. You could also call the display, “Displaying”. Look that up in your guide to the animal kingdom. We’re animals too folks.

I  made a bold statement myself, “no, you can’t do it”. My statement will cause some to be angry with me and others to think I’m full of it. Fair enough. I get it. I understand the mindset.

I’m asking that you process this a little different. I’m talking about an encounter that angered me. I was angry and didn’t flat out blast the perpetrator. I needed to find out just how full of shit this guy was and plan my counterattack. We can call it “Compose my rebuttal” if you prefer.

Getting someone backed down or brought down without creating a scene, quickly, one of my skills. Throwing your hands in the air, turning your back and walking away does not constitute deescalating the situation and making your point. It is important to make your point so the other person knows just how much you appreciated their action(s)!

“You did it so I can do it” you say? Maybe you can. Maybe you got in your personal makeup what I and some others got in our personal makeup. Having that makeup doesn’t give you the right to embarrass, humiliate or attempt to control someone. Fact is, if you really got the parts, you wouldn’t of laid that trip round the psyche on your victim.

Well “La Dee Da” is what a few have given to me in response to me talking about things I don’t do.

The defence mechanism of belief that says I am being condescending and seeing the person I’m speaking with as inferior to me. The belief that I’ve just told them, “If I can do it, you can do it”.

That belief position doesn’t stay with the individual for long because I won’t have it! They are enlightened directly. I don’t use, “You’ve offended me snowflake tactics” to enlighten those people either. Doing so would be an emotionally controlling tactic and that’s just wrong.

For those encounters to have happened at all means these people have been subjected to the “If I can do it, you can do it”, emotional control people have tried to exert on them.

There are far better ways than attacking to stimulate, motivate and support people.

A few days ago I got talking with an individual and the problem is addiction and the person came right out and said it in their telling me of their upset.

I just let the person go. When there was a falter after the initial rush, I said one word to the person, “Headspace”. The person shrugged and exhaled and very softly said, “yeah”.

I just waited and then I did something else that I can do and you can’t. I told the individual that they, “Absolutely Should” do something. I’m also very big on not telling people what they should do. The “If I can do it, you can do it” statement is also telling someone what they should do.

When I let loose the, “You absolutely should”, it was as affirmation and support. The individual was lamenting about not speaking up and letting their feelings be known.

I saw the person a couple days later. In a better frame of mind and with a thank you for me.

I tried a couple times informally working with people who have addiction and eventually I had to cut all ties. It had to be done and it wasn’t pleasant.

I don’t deal with addiction. I do not have the skill set to work with people with addiction. Just because someone else can do it doesn’t mean I can.

I aint got the parts and I know it. Those parts include wanting to and I don’t.

If you could see my contacts at a certain site, you would see a number of people with the word “Psycho” in their job title. These are the people you wanna talk to. Along with the physicality and emotionality of addiction there is the brain chemistry to be considered. These are the people that got a skill set you may need.

Those people can do it with addiction, I can’t and never will. This is called knowing and understanding your limitations.

G.R. Hambley ©
July 08, 2018
All rights reserved

 

You Don’t Hate Me?!

You Don’t Hate Me?!

No, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate anyone.

The title of this piece, “You Don’t Hate Me” is from an individual who asked me if I like them. That after I had said “No” to being asked by that individual if I liked them. I don’t dislike the individual either.

There are a vast number of people I neither like, or dislike. This possibility didn’t figure in to the individual’s equation.

There are a great many people who don’t put all the factors in to their equations.

All those people I’m in indifferent to, I hope they’re having nice lives and are basically happy. People who are having basically happy lives probably aren’t up to stupid shit. I detest stupid shit.

Stupid Shit 02I got a whole lot of healthy indifference for pretty much everyone on the planet. You and me, we’re all the same. You got a whole lot of indifference too. I’m not much for telling people what they should do but in this case, that worldly indifference, so you should.

I’ve also got an interest in meeting and talking to people and not just foreign ones.

I also have a pretty intense dislike for a handful of people walking this rock too. They earned it.

You hate me! I’m good with that and you know what else, I don’t care. I don’t care and you can just carry that hatred load as long as you desire. Hatred is a wasted emotion. Hating only demeans the self.

G.R. Hambley
July 04, 2017

I shot the Ibis a long time ago and you’re welcome to use the meme.

Chronological Order of Postings

Rite of Passage or Practical Indignancy 101

Rite of Passage or Practical Indignancy 101

On 2 June, 2017 I made the visit to the new to me Pain Clinic I spoke of in my eHealth Ontario piece.

I went in with the information sheets filled out. Didn’t pull any punches on the forms. One of the questions was, “What would you like your doctor to do with the pain”. My written response, “Give it to the individual that hit me”. If you know me, you damn well know I did so write it down and you’re laughing because doing that is so me!

Yes, I brought out some theatre. Yes I brought out some of my intelligent donkey and yes I made it known I wasn’t pleased to be having to do the same things again because there is next to nothing in the way of records attached to me.

Put more simply, you gotta rise to the occasion!

I went in there prepared to make a stand and with an open mind. Both objectives were accomplished.

No nonsense, no pretense, no side stepping. Oddly as I was being examined, I was never questioned about my answer to the “what do you want done with your pain” question.

You’d think the Docs would of wanted to discuss my B.A. (bad attitude) but nary a word.

The initial questioning was done by a resident. Poor dear girl, exposing one so young to a mind like this.

Going through the info sheets and the Resident asking me if there was anything else that made the pain feel better, and I said, “Not without a partner”. A blank look on a doctor’s face after you’ve answered their question, priceless! I don’t know how anyone else feels but, I don’t think you should have to explain the benefits of sex to a doctor, even one in training.

It is incumbent on you to tell your health care professionals the truth. It is in your best interest to be emotionally present when discussing your condition(s). They have to know your mindset as well as your physical status. Complete communication is not an invitation to go off on a rant. A rant  is singular expression and not communication in a good way.

The simple explanation is that there is a long history of dealing with chronic pain attached to me and I still have chapters to go. I had a lot to say and I did a lot of talking during this examination.

No, no seeing doctors as Gods by me. Doctors are just body mechanics. I’ll grant you they oversee the most complex machines on the planet but they’re still mechanics.

I made certain both doctors, the anesthesiology resident and the specialist were clear on what I wouldn’t do. A stand had to be made. I am simply not going to keep doing what doesn’t work and relating it to new faces any longer.

I’ve been dealing with chronic pain far longer than those that need it will receive palliative care. My demand is simple, give me the same considerations in my medical dealings with chronic pain that would be given to an individual in Palliative care.

Palliative care is a multidisciplinary approach to specialized medical care for people with life-limiting illnesses. It focuses on providing people with relief from the symptoms, pain, physical stress, and mental stress of the terminal diagnosis.

I’ve been living with chronic pain almost 1/2 my life. Oddly mine too is Osteoarthritis. What the court did is good because the Feds didn’t get it correct with Bill C-14, Medical Assisted Dying and that piece of legislation still needs work.

Let’s not be reading things in to the statements I’m making that aren’t there. I’ve a 150 year life plan that is my harmless little fantasy so leave me the hell alone.

Part of your decision must come from dealing with the reality of your own impending death. You are setting a termination date for yourself and that reality may help you examine your pain more closely. I would hope the death reality would make you examine more closely.

I’m tired of building the history when I have to see someone new. Hell. I’m tired of seeing the new. I’m tired of the slight variations in a molecular chain that just might make a positive difference for me. But we’ll have to try different dosages to see which will work, if any of course.

I enjoy my mind quite a bit. With all that goes on up there in my head space, I love my mind. Of course I talk to myself a lot. But then I show other people the conversations I’ve had with myself. This is called writing and it is how writing gets done. Talking to yourself and not writing it down is called something entirely different.

We are talking antidepressants here. Depression was part of the consultation conversation. By definition I am depressed. Going by the definition given to me by one pain clinic doctor, I’ve been depressed 30 days less than I’ve had pain. I wasn’t real pleased when the event took place so let’s call it 20 days.

I’m tired of having my brain chemistry tinkered with so I’m not going to take on the new old with a slightly different chain. I’m not taking it on despite telling the Doctor in charge that I would. Yup, I flat out lied to the Doctor. The Doc got to feel  good that he’d done something good for me and I got him to stop pulling out stops.

I’m a creative. My mind is never off. I’ve been through this idea of treatment before and I can show you in my journal where my handwriting changes back to what it was when I stopped taking those mind altering drugs previously.

I’m still trying to figure out how me sleeping 25% longer, keeping me horizontal 25% longer is going to make me feel better. Especially so when the problem is I have to get up and move around to feel better. Doc didn’t have an answer for that.

The Doc did make the point of all drugs affecting the mind and that is true BUT, not all drugs directly affect cognizance and antidepressants do.

The consultation wrapped up and the primary clinic doc looks at me and says, “Degenerative” and I looked right back at him and said, “Yup”.

My demeanor and disposition are much improved with the decisions I’ve made. I’m not shutting off and tuning out. You present me a possible treatment option that is new and I’ll listen.

I know this stuff and if I need more help I’ll ask. I’ll keep regular with my primary pain doctor so he’s up to speed on what’s slowing me down.

I shall go forward in life happier because I’ve eliminated a major stressor!

G.R. Hambley ©
June 22, 2017

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

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Weathering

Weathering

GRH Weathering

Page after page
Age after age
Time after time
Impossible to hide
Never ending ride
As I weather with pride

G.R. Hambley ©
June 12, 2017

Photo Credit – Ara Sagherian

A Hair Piece

A Hair Piece

I had a grand plan. I came up with a work around regarding an emotional attachment. Then I discovered something so close to the culmination that I do know; complete the research before beginning enactment of your grand plan.

I’d planned, quietly, letting my hair grow to donate it. Three people were told of my plan as it was getting close to cutting the tail time for this tale. As far as anyone was concerned through the growing, I was just growing the pony tail because I really like it, which I do.

I’ve been doing this for a LONG time!

GRH Hair June 06 2017 - 03

I’ve written about walking the talking you do. I don’t know how many times I’ve said to people, “I do what I can” and I do.

I wrote another piece about me opting out on the pink in October campaign and why.

Another factor in my decision to grow out my hair for donation was familial. Some serious irony in this man’s passing.

The emotional attachment, I love my pony tail, I really do. The work around, let it grow for another couple months and then I’d still have enough to both donate and keep the tail going. A win/win situation.

The reason my pony tail won’t be accepted, I have more than 5% grey in my hair. You can read all about donating your hair for cancer here. The fact that the wig program is just for women (also news to me) and therefore not equal is to my mind, so unfair. I’m okay with the women only designation though.

I’m told by a woman that I related my tail tale of woe to, she’d thought of doing the same, donating her hair. The reasoning for not more than 5% grey I’m told is because grey hair cannot be dyed.

Been doing the managing of this mop that long too!

GRH Hair June 06 2017 - 02GRH Hair June 06 2017 - 01

I’ve related what I’ve encountered to ½ a dozen people now. Those people can’t understand why grey hair wouldn’t be wanted. Perhaps we should get the People at “Pantene Beautiful Lengths” in touch with the people at “Dove” and their campaign for real beauty.

My audience during one of my relatings, a woman and a man. We were talking a bit about the grey factor. I said that (there’s that damn modicum of decorum again) I’ve seen older women with the silver/grey look and they were smokin’. The man laughed at the older women comment and I told him I was looking for a frame of reference.

Had there not been a woman present and he’d laughed after what I’d said, my comment after reference would have been vastly different. Don’t ask!

Yes I’m emotionally present, a romance poet and still a guy!

Perhaps the grand plan of some other entity was for my plan to come apart so I’d write the tale and share it with the world.

I do what I can do. The donation of my hair was something I really wanted to do. It would be doing as I say in a number of ways, “Making my little piece of the world better”.

I make my little piece better, you make your little piece better, we got a better world. Simple stuff really.

G.R. Hambley ©
June 06, 2016

Curios

Curios

Curios

Curios

Mine is mine and to each their own
so whom are we to pass judgement

One’s choices predicated upon
by how you my dear individual perceive

Reapers, the purveyors of goods grim
honouring both dollar and ritual

But just because you can
does it mean you should indulge the macabre

Incendiary with a highly volatile fuse
fostering unspoken mortification

Done from love by loss
as inherently personal as love’s little death

Memories tactile, both taking away
and in embracing the pain

Open wide to holding up a mirror
reflection upon your hurting self

Morbid, magnificent, maudlin, majestic
what else could be said of selections such

Each and every with their unique curio
memory memorabilia a curious thing

Nature ‘tis of we mournful beasts
displaying in so many ways

Turning cheek, both other and off if you please
my crass, your cats ass

One tap, two tap, three, forever remains in me

G.R. Hambley ©
June 01, 2017

I made an error in formatting on the original post. The error is now corrected. The poetry has not changed.

eHealth Ontario and Wicked Ways Wynne

eHealth Ontario and Wicked Ways Wynne

We are about a year away from the next election in Ontario. The “No Wynne” Liberals are in full save their collective of asses mode.

Billion dollar scandals; The Liberals are infamous for billion dollar scandals! Over paying for electricity, multiple billions in the dumping of surplus electricity, not building gas plants and of course an oldie and a real goodie, the Billion dollar scandal attached to eHealth Ontario.

I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for almost ½ my life. First week of June I’ll be going to a new to me pain clinic. There is nothing of my past history following me around that is readily available to the staff of that clinic. Nothing they can review prior to seeing me for the first time. There is no historical data to compare against.

I’m going to have to relate everything, again. I’m going to have to fill out the same condition information sheets, again. I’m going to have to sign releases, again. I have to do these things all again because there is nothing attached to me for clinic staff to review.

Fortunately, I keep pretty fair records and they are all electronic. The information I’ve got will still require review. We’re going from ground zero and we shouldn’t have to. Part of the reason we have to start over when there is a change, because of the Billion dollar eHealth mess up courtesy of Ontario’s Governing Liberals.

True Wynne wasn’t Premiere in 2009 and McGuinty was. Also true Wynne and her Liberals have screwed up eHealth even more. With performance as the yardstick, I have to believe patronage with Wynne’s brother-in-law attached to eHealth.

Let me make it easy for you and me, your search parameter is, “Kathleen Wynne eHealth Ontario”. You aint gonna like it.

Signing the release to obtain is no guarantee what is being asked for is going to be delivered by the record holder to the record owner, me.

Two requests were made to obtain by my current doctor of my previous doctor. The requests went unanswered.

I’ve had the who owns the records conversation briefly with 2 different doctors over the last couple days. We all agree, the records belong to the patient. Without the patient there are no records to make.

You can get a vehicle repair/maintenance report from a dealership on a used vehicle you are purchasing. If the vehicle is plugged in to the system you get what has been entered. The dealership or mechanics that have worked on the vehicle don’t own the records, the vehicle owner does.

No more should we ever be having a problem with accessing our health records. The capability is here.

Is it fair to have a doctor go back 20 years and convert the patient file to “E” format? No, it isn’t. Is it unreasonable in this age for a doctor to be providing “E” data to the rightful owner after a current visit, no. The vehicle owner gets the mechanics report so why wouldn’t an individual get a report on their machine from the mechanic doctor?

Yes I understand there are a number of hurdles but the end goal is attainable. The end goal is for an individual to be able to control their own historical health information. The end goal would be much closer had Ontario’s Liberals not blown that Billion dollars.

Does Ontario’s Premiere Wicked Witch Wynne really care about the people as she would now have you believe? Electricity rate reduction and high speed rail Toronto – Windsor corridor to name a couple recent carrots being dangled for the proletariat.

“No Wynne” doesn’t care about the people and never has. Shouldn’t hold that against her though. I can’t name any politicians that care about the people. If they did, those politicians would get their party leaders in touch with the peoples anger and voice.

Kathleen Wynne does care about her bullying agenda and telling people what is absolutely best for them. Give Wynne pushback and she brands you or plays a card. The exception being showing up at her doorstep. Do that and then she’ll bend over and kiss your butt.

I came to these conclusions based on Wynne’s performance and oddly enough, Wynne’s lack of performance. You can bet big that Wynne and her Provincial Liberals are on board with the Federal Liberals in trying to eradicate free speech. See Federal Motion, M-103.

How soon do you think the Liberals will introduce “Governmentaphobia” in to a revised motion? All so you can’t talk about government with the scorn and disgust they so richly deserve!

I’ve used and will continue to use this Heritage Plaque that I pass 3 or 4 times a week. We as Ontarians and Canadians are entitled to a certain standard and we just aren’t getting it. Municipal to Provincial to Federal, we aren’t getting what we’re entitled to.

It isn’t wrong to be angry. It isn’t wrong to be vocal. What you do with the anger and the voice can be wrong. Those who would like to make you eat your anger and shut off your voice, that is called emotionally controlling and they’re the ones who are wrong.

Ontario’s next election is on or before June 07, 2018, be relevant!

G.R. Hambley May 27, 2017
All rights reserved

Medical Assisted Dying Bill C-14

 

Going Clean – Lyric

Going Clean

Lyric

Whispers in the air
Eyebrows raising up
Pretending not to hear
Taking in what’s said
Sure it stings but…
If you play the show
If you let them know
It’s not what they think they’ve seen
It’s their ending and you’re never gonna be clean

Waiting out on the stairs
You pass and laughter erupts
Won’t let them see you tear
Hair hiding the ears gone red
Sure it hurts but…
If you play the game
If you let them blame
It’s not what they think they’ve seen
It’s their ending and you’re never gonna be clean

Watching for an angry flair
Voices telling you you disgust
Head up smiling ear to ear
None of those voices a friend
Sure it’s hate but…
If you jump on in
If you give up the win
You know what they think they’ve seen
You know in their ending you’re never gonna be clean…

You know what happens if you go mean
You know being like them makes you… unclean

G.R. Hambley ©
May 21, 2017

 

A Marine Passes

A Marine Passes

At 1:58 am on 15 May, 2017 an American Marine passed on. To some that man was and will always be, more than a Marine.

Being a United States Marine didn’t define what the man was. Being a Marine was a part of what made up the whole man.

The man had a tough go before the irony that is the illness that eventually took his life got him. Irony in abundance. He fought the good fight with dignity and grace. Never gave up. I’m sure he thought of it as we all would in that situation. He carried on out of a love of life and family. The duty he believed was owed to himself and his family.

No one would have faulted him had he chose to move along to the next plain of his own volition. He endured that much. He cared that much to soldier on.

This man was given the last rites in Vietnam. He was subjected to derision at the very least for having gone to Vietnam when he returned home. He came home with issues and worked on those issues.

Much later on in life, he was stricken with cancer and the belief is that “Agent Orange” was the culprit. There’s your irony. It took his own country to do what the enemy couldn’t.

A number of years ago that man and I were out somewhere when I was down in Rhode Island working out some of my own issues. I do remember it was winter and damn cold.

We were walking up to the door after getting home and I asked him, “Knowing what you know, would you do it again”. This is one of those you had to be there moments. The man knew my question didn’t come out of anything but interest in how he felt and what he thought.

“Knowing what you know, would you do it again” and the reply was, “My country called”.

Not another word was spoken between us. We both knew and understood what was in the answer.

Three words made up a “you had to be there” moment. I cannot convey everything that was in those three words. You had to see the man when he said, “My country called”. I could tell you about it so you could see and understand. I can’t write what I saw that day because no amount of words is going to be able to describe that moment properly.

I spoke of that moment a couple times with people in conversation because it fit with what we were talking about. I never told anyone about this encounter that is close to the man. The conversation was between him and me and except for those few instances, that is where it stayed.

Toughest man I ever knew. One of the best men I’ve ever known too.

Semper Fi, definitely. Character, absolutely.

Francis “Frank” Connors is survived by my cousin Karen, son Eli, daughters Shannon, Sandra and Michelle. Grandchildren, more family, others who love him and by what is now, a grateful nation.

Gary Hambley, May 15, 2017

Community; Mine

Community; Mine

Souls old, souls new, souls lost, some hoping desperately to be found
Philosophers, perambulators and pals, the odd sniff of pretention
Hims and hers, some that are, quite honestly, deeply confused
Every face, should you care, bringing a unique study in story

Retro and metro, and for others, the splendour that is sartorial
Eye on a passing thigh and my oh my is that Rebel Circus I spy
Open minds, open hearts, open conversations and well who knew
Faces from faraway places, happily in a space that has no races

Accountants, Aides to Teaching, but if you can’t say without preaching
Cups of coffee, gallons of conversation and Sugar when it’s Psunday*
Quips and quills, more than a few spills, splotches of great delusion
Untold stories, stories shared, stories that will be woven by me

Aged, ageless, those just beginning to write their journey for the ages
In they tromp, costumed and not, cute as buttons, kids enjoying theatre
New ones in 21st century jolly jumpers, jump dad jump, gee thanks mom
Thespians, orators, of both the professional and amateur ranks rant

As life goes on all around you, yours for the sharing, it’s no illusion
Names and faces, you come to know, as you do enjoyment grows
Contacts, connections, conversations in confidence, all do ensue
Elves wearing bells bearing versions of coffee, catch me one if you can

G.R. Hambley ©
May 09, 2017