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Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Category Archives: Friendship

Foreign Liaisons

Foreign Liaisons

There are times when a chance encounter will forever stay memorable. Of course this is one of those times or I wouldn’t be telling me about it so I can tell you about it.

A woman and her two daughters took the table beside me late one Sunday afternoon. Mom unknowingly knocked my plug lose from the outlet when she sat down on the long bench we share in this cafe.

“Hee Sun” is the woman’s name and she is a creative. Hee Sun and her daughters are South Korean. I learned this in conversation with mom.

Thus begins a tale of enchanting encounter and wonder.

Apology was made for knocking out the plug. Assurances given that there was no need for sorry and no harm was done.

The lady stands and reseats herself after I’ve returned the plug to the outlet. Where the outlets are in this cafe, decorum demands you either put the plug in for someone or get out of the way. Not doing so could lead to an incident which in this case would have been an international incident and who needs those?!

It’s difficult to not see what is up on someone’s computer when you’re settling yourself in to place. Hey if it were something that private you wouldn’t be working on that something in a cafe.

I had some art and poetry I was working on up on my computer and Mom saw it when she sat back down. Hee Sun asked she me about what she saw.

Doesn’t happen often and I’ve done it myself, commented on something I’ve seen that’s art. Made a couple nice friendships that way but I don’t advise trying it unless you’re a creative. A little understanding and perspective folks. Understanding that there are personable people and that being personable is a good thing is a nice start.

I could have shut off any conversation right quick just be putting my ear buds in. Not like I haven’t done it before and won’t do it again. Sometimes when I got the buds in they’re just in so I don’t have to listen to anything and by anything I also mean anyone.

We start to talk and Hee Sun tells me she has written a children’s book and the illustrations are done by the daughter who is at home in South Korea.

GRH - Hee Book 02.Slice of sliceJPGThe two daughters (I do not know their names) were graduating McGill and Mom had come from South Korea for the girls commencement. They had a few days here in Toronto; then a couple days in Montreal for the exercise and back to Toronto for a few more days.

Choosing Toronto over Montreal to tour, good choice. Toronto is the most cosmopolitan city in the world. Landing here in “Community Mine”, lucky for me and lucky for Mom.

We can have the Toronto vs Montreal debate another time.

So me and she talked. We shared our thoughts about poetry and art. We talked a bit about her two graduating girls. We talked about how we’re all the same.

Sun Hee and me talked for about an hour as the girls amused themselves with their phones. The girls will be staying here and looking for jobs. We talked about that too.

Oh alas, oh woe is me. They’re grown up and they’re staying here and they’ll be so far away from their dear mother. If you’re thinking the lament of this South Korean Mother is the same as a Canadian mother or an American Mother or Jewish Mother, you’d be correct. You’d be correct because we’re all the same.

It wasn’t that extreme but Hee Sun was feeling the separation anxiety.

She read a couple of my poems and a narrative of mine. We went through them together as Hee Sun read aloud. She apologized for English once as she went to one of her daughters for help with better understanding the English through Korean.

Hee Sun showed me the cover of her book on her phone. She said she had one copy at the hotel and would send it to me. You see the book she sent me in the first image.

I mentioned her 3rd daughter did the illustrations for the book and they are terrific. Strangely or maybe not, the mom in the book looks similar to Hee Sun. Maybe it’s just because they have the same hair-do. Nah, it’s deeper than that.

GRH - Hee Book 01.SliceJPGI introduced the lady to John Donne and like so many, she knew Donne without knowing it’s John Donne. I told Hee Sun that I have a good friend who after reading Mr. Donne’s Ye Olde English, decided that any future spelling errors would be attributed to Ye Olde English. The lady smiled at that.

Hee Sun spent a semester at Harvard and did a trail visiting the places of poets renowned in England. She likes the Romance poets and now has another romance poet she likes, me.

I had this conversation a couple weeks ago (June 04, 2017) and I’ve run the encounter past some of those in this “Community Mine” that I’m friends with. The thing about those people in my community and I point it out to them as we talk, they’re the same as me and Sun Hee and another friend of mine who is a mom and lives in South Africa.

We are all the same. We all want the same things.
A decent place to live.
Enough to eat.
Some work.
Some leisure.

That’s it folks. All she wrote. Simple stuff. We all want the same because we are all the same.

“Good Friend” saw this piece pretty close to the completion point. It was asked by Good Friend, “What about love?”. I don’t know if we all want love and I’ll take that up elsewhere.

I didn’t set out on this enchanting encounter of mine to tug at heart strings. What we two were talking about, how could it not? It could only not tug the heart at least a little if we aren’t the same.

Hee Sun provided me with her address and she will be receiving a letter from me. There is so much wonderful in a real letter, a hand written letter. Tactile and tangible and on occasion, scented.

Our conversation was worldly and I loved every minute of it. I’m going to tell her so by hand.

I went and had a look at where Hee Sun lives in Korea, Gimpo and it is pronounced, “Kimpo”. If you’re aged enough and were a fan of MASH, you’ve heard that name before.

The first return in the search brought me a bit from a wiki, Gimpo, directly across the Han river is North Korea.

I can’t even fathom living that. Sure I understand the political just fine but I can’t even grasp living with that situation in my backyard.

I will ask Hee Sun in the letter I write her to try and tell me how she feels about living with that threat as she does and I hope she’ll reply. I will be relating and asking other things as well.

Hee Sun told me she plays the guitar and sings. I’m thinking if I ask nicely, perhaps she’ll tell me a musical story.

G.R. Hambley ©
June 19, 2017

 

 

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Pen Pals

Pen Pals

I was surprised this morning

Note 001

A gift from a friend

Note 001a

A damn fine pen that I shall cherish and use in my indomitable way

G.R. Hambley April 05, 2017

Stoney Lonesome

We’ve a new friend in the writers Menagerie. Our new pal has made him self quite at home with me and the others. He has BartholoMEW to fly with. Horace, Harvey and Jerome appreciate having a 4th for Euchre and Bridge.

When he and Bernie sing at the same time it can drive you right bonkers! You can listen for yourself. Bernie is all about the tunes but this guys likes the videos. Hard to believe our new friend is as old as he is.

He’s complex and really a sweet guy when you get to know him who does have his moments. But don’t we all have our moments; some of them Majik.

All the links open to new tabs.

Stoney Lonesome

Resting on the roof in his dignified resolute way
Eons long he’s been the go to one and now he’s numb
Going to take some serious doing to stop him stewing
Inclined to make old stone face smile so up the case I go

Reginald Gargoyle

Now and again he remembers his heart isn’t stone
An angel’s love he says he’s without so relishes quiet
Looking off in to space so you can’t see his teary face
Dreary days turn to dark nights and she’s not here

G.R. Hambley  ©
June 14, 2016

Chronological Posting List

Little Black Dressed; Together

LBD 4 LI Header

Little Black Dressed; Together

There are two stories and a resultant lyric poem here. One story is about relationship. The other is a story of a couple collaborations that came as a result of the relationship. How two people’s mutual likes begat more.

I’ve brought the Life Coach and Artist and Another Artist to this piece but you can scroll down to the lyric poetry if you so choose.

These two people encountered each other as peers. A real relationship formed from their encounter and they became and shall always be good friends.

More simply I liked her goodies and she liked mine. No, you don’t have to send the kids out of the room. This is a family hour tale and would be a good one to share with the kids. The kiddies might not be ready for the lyric poetry.

Both of us write, well. Two writers got together and something very good happened. The fact is 3 very good things happened on the writing level. Yes friendships are good things too but those are beyond being good and have special place as this friendship does.

You may have seen “Little Black Dressed” differently. If you haven’t you can read the exercise in poetry that Lady Anonymous and I did. Poetry for an Acrostic phrase I came up with, “Little Black Dress”. The first letter of every line when read down like a crossword puzzle make the phrase. Together we gave the readers the perspective from both a woman and a man on that item of apparel. Lady Anon was kind enough to give it up for me when I asked her to write the woman’s perspective.

Looking at things differently led to collaborating with Lady Anon again to this time make lyric poetry. We got to know each other better and a friendship grew. Grew in the same way all relationships grow, by getting to know each other.

Early on in the relationship me and Lady A, we’d say the exact same thing to each other but different. She’d send me things with a consideration and I’d do the same for her. She’d say something like, “if you’ve seen this, sorry for sending it”. I’d send things and say, “I don’t know what you know, I know what I know” for something she might already know. My friend and me, we haven’t used those disclaimers for a long time now. Some things become a given and some givens in relationship are comfortable.

After that interlude, back to collaboration.

I was reading the poem by Lady Anon and saw something that got me thinking. I gave her piece a little spin, flipping the 3rd and 4th stanzas. Then I headed over to a piece I’d written, “Corridor’s End” to ponder on the chorus in that poem.

I checked in with Lady Anonymous on whether or not I’d shown her just the flipping of the stanzas or moved the piece along to her after I’d added the chorus in. She is of the mind that I put it together and then sent along what I’d done for her consideration so we’ll go with that.

Yes, there was some concern on my part how what I had done would be received. At the time I did what I did, the relationship we have hadn’t been going on for all that long. You start playing with someone’s work, there is damn good reason for you to have concern!

I’m never comfortable with begging forgiveness rather than asking permission. Fortunately Lady Anonymous really liked what I did. She also assuaged my slightly guilty conscience and assured me no harm and there was no concern because it was me.

We take a little sideslip back in to the relationship here. This relationship began in a place common to both of us. Two people out doing things they like to do in a place they like to do it. There are others who do the same. We are talking about the Internet and not a local writers circle. The specific location we both hang out on the web is WordPress.

I’ve shared this little tidbit with people for a long time and frequently with people wondering why they can’t meet someone, why they can’t find relationship. Simple stuff really. You only meet people in 2 places and 2 places only. The 2 places you meet people are at work and in your activities. That’s it.

If you live to work you’ll probably find someone in your work environment like you and the two of you will be quite happy. If you work to live, it means “you” getting out there and doing the things “you” like to do in the places those things happen. Means you might be going places on your own but the bright side is, when you get there you’ll find other people doing that same thing you like to do!

Lady A knew me well enough to know that I see differently, I go delving in to works from different angles. You can see for yourself what I mean by the different angles by reading, “Overdosed, The Creation Of”. FYI, Lady Anonymous was an incredible sounding board as that piece of poetry came to life.

We talked about why I flipped the stanzas. By flipping the stanzas we had the tale of a woman who just couldn’t take the charade anymore. A woman who couldn’t be what she’d become. A woman who has reached her emotional end. The original poem in its acrostic form wouldn’t have stood up just by giving it a chorus. The tale would of been disjointed.

Lady Anonymous in her version of, “Little Black Dress” showed the woman in both 1st person and 3rd person. We had a good amount of chatter back and forth between us during the titching and the result is all 1st person and oh so very personal!

Lady A’s woman’s touch was especially helpful when I was punching up the chorus. It was in consultation with Lady A that I took the masculine harder hit out for a softer landing.

For all of you, Lady Anonymous will always be, Good Friend.

We hope you enjoy this collaborative work as much as “WE” enjoyed its creation!

G.R. Hambley ©
May 26, 2016

Little Black Dressed

Living out life in a gleeful rage
Innocence in this smile, tricks in another
The sweetness of the slaughter upon the lips
The second-hand silk is only a tease

Nowhere to be, what flew from heaven at your sound
Hoping and praying, the sound of the wings just not around

Looking for approval while asking for criticism
Emotions raw beneath the reflection
Betraying the cards up this sleeve
Lucky that mirrors always forget

Nowhere to be, what flew from heaven at your sound
Kneeling and praying, the sound of the wings just not around

Returning home alone once more
Every morning it’s just the same
Salting the wounds with a shot of Jack
Sleeping past noon in last night’s silk

Nowhere to be, what flew from heaven at your sound
Falling and praying, the sound of the wings just not around

Assaulting jealousy with laughter
Concealing the weariness with wit
Killing time in exquisite ways
Dying, one day, with memories instead of fantasies

Now it’s gone, no more when you call is an angel found
No angel can save you when your body touches down

Now it’s gone
No angel around
Now it’s gone
No angel found

Lady Anonymous & G.R. Hambley ©
March 12, 2015

Chronological Posting List

A Cheshire, Feline Variety

A Cheshire, Feline Variety

This fine fellow appeared out of thin air one night. No idea where he came from. He’s been a fine addition to our little menagerie.
If you know who he kept company with before finding his way to us please let them and us know so they’ll know he is safe and happy.
A bit of a prankster this one. This one, like a certain Ursine, will disappear after setting up and loose the objects of his glee. Like that certain Ursine, he doesn’t need to be there to see the scenes play out because he’s already seen how it is going to all go down.

A Cheshire, Feline Variety

How and why you became such a thing is of no mind
Over here, grinning, over there, grinning, always grinning
Really little friend, just what is that you are up to next?

Horace The Cheshire

Appearances can be deceiving, are you truly as you seem?
Cat o’ smiles, nine lives filled with so many incredible tales
Ear to ear you’re such a dear, especially when you smiggle*

G.R. Hambley ©
March 22, 2015

Smiggle … a smirking giggle

She Said and He Laughed

She Said and He Laughed

This is a variant on my “he said, she said” stories. Someone I know where the relationship transcended the working. The friendly, working relationship became friend.

Yes I do separate church and state. My friends are good about recognizing the lines between helping out a friend and work. My friends also know I like to eat, well.

I don’t mind being a sounding board for friends. If we’re talking more than generalities that means I like you and am willing to open up some. I speak differently with the people I’m friends and friendly with than I do with people I just work with. Most of us do that; speak differently in our work relationships than we do in our interpersonal relationships.

Those communication modes are normal and usual. In our interpersonal relationships we have a different comfort level. That difference in turn makes it easier for us to express without fear of offence or being misunderstood.

I am no different and enjoy the comforts and ease of conversing with friends.

I have been asked if I think before I speak and I truthfully answer, “No”. That is the short answer and it is correct and not in depth enough. I rarely have to put thought in to what I say because I learned how to speak. The ability can be learned and isn’t thoughtless because I am not inconsiderate or rude. In fact what comes out of my mouth is thoughtful and well delivered because I learned how to do that.

Thoughtless speaking, a concept there that might be difficult to grasp as I’ve explained it because most people associate thoughtless speaking with rude behaviour.

Why the preamble about relationship and speech? What you’re about to read is a conversation from one person’s concern and seeking out a knowledgeable, experienced friend to talk to. The exchange is looser and freer than with a client and that is what you’ll see read in this engaged exchange.

Some pretty nice stuff in here and if you have the friend relationship and familial relationship you’ll see here, smile, cuz you’re doing good!

Friend speaks in Italics
My speak in regular case

~.~.~.~.~

Hello Mr Hambley

Ms … how b u

Not good sir
Not good

What is taking place?

Hmmm
Kids

Okay

Please give me an opinion

Is this going to be something I can better answer with thought as in email?

Well if I don’t wind down I’m gonna get a pain
No it’s ok here

Okay and slow down

Son wants a tattoo

Okay
I have one remember?

Not subtle……wow
Yeah but yours is subtle

I mean slow yourself down, you know how

Okay

Simple stuff what I tell everyone;
If you’re going to get one it better mean a lot to you as you’re going to have it for a long time
If you’re going to do it, don’t just pick out of a book

Anarchist!!!!!!
That’s what he wants
An anarchist tattoo
The word

Does he understand what the word means?
Really understand?

Is my kid a terrorist????
What the hell did I do wrong!

Your kid is protesting

No shit Sherlock

You did nothing wrong and in fact have done right

We had such a fight today

Ms this is something we’ve spoken of, it has to be the kids
Tell you what, lemme write this up
I’ll use it as one of my coaching/coping skills pieces
Tell son what I’m doing and to hang on

Ok

Good
Next

I’m upset my friend

I know you are
He’s rebelling … he’s a teenager

I know but he ain’t stupid or so I thought till this morning

It’s what they do. Especially ones with conscience. Now where the hell do you think he got that from?
Good job mom!

Hmmm

You feeling a bit like an oreo cookie?
Creamy stuff between two hard biscuits?
LMAO

LoL

There ya go

I knew you laughed when I told you he wanted a tattoo
I can even see the face

Tattoos are also cultural of the age

Well I gave him my rules
Sterile environment

Of course
And ask around of people who have them where they got the art done

And to do a small one….where if he doesn’t want it anymore it’s not in his face

Let me find something
Wait for this…..

When he had me really worked up

He said…..ok…..he’s gonna do it on his fists
One hand ROCK HARD…..other…..ROCK LONG

Ahhhhhh the heavy metal has him
What you’re looking at in my image is the art I created for a tattoo for myself

And it means

It is Latin and it means, “know thyself”

See I don’t have an issue with that Gary
I ask him to look at this

well duh … it’s on Gary not son …. LMAO
Yes please do have him look. Mine is for the point of my shoulder
I’m not a fan of those arm slogans

I know…..I meant it means something
Now we moved from fist to arm
He is killing me Gary

The lines on text are never fine enough to make it legible for a long time

Next thing he wants a nipple ring

yup … the boy has given over to metal

And his moms early death

You’ll be fine
You do understand, boy, young man, challenging boundaries?
Pushing the “rents” buttons?

I’m trying

Keep that in mind when he talks
He’s going to stretch out Ms … he’s testing himself too
Look, He’s talking to you
This is a good thing

Hmmmm

He doesn’t need your permission for a lot of things anymore and he is still talking to you, put that in the “you done good” category

We’re fighting
Thank you

You are welcome
You are disagreeing not fighting

No I’m not
I’m just trying to relax….

Don’t rant at each other
Refuse to engage, keep your wits
You know that and argument and a fight are different things right?

Yes

Argue in control. You’ll argue better in that state. Hell, ask your sis if I’m right

I’m not a fighter you know

Yeah you are
Prefer to talk

Arguing your point is fighting for your point
The mindset and behaviour are different and it leaves you open to hear what others are saying

Hmmm
Well I’ll calm down and raise it again tomorrow

Good

Thank you

I’ll start writing it today.

It’s good with me I know you’ll do it right

Thank you
FYI …. When I got my tat, it took a lot of control to not go and get another right away. They can be addictive.

Thanks for that upsetting piece of info Mr Hambley

I prefer to see it as arming you for the argument
People say to me, “how can you only have one?”
Nobody has just one
LMAO

Gary
It’s enough now
Please be a lill bitty on my side
Please

I am on your side

Thank you Mr Hambley

You are welcome

I’ll talk to you again
Feeling better though
A little bit

G.R. Hambley February 28, 2016
All rights reserved

Water Pony

Water Pony

Jousting playfully for positioning with your companions new
Electric eel the game of choice, precocious you are when instigating
Reaching the majesty of six foot forty-two, when uncurling that tail
Oh how you snort and that look in your eyes when we let it snap back
Much to our chagrin, finding you’re charged in when hopping on
Energetic, eclectic with more than just a touch or two of the eccentric

G.R. Hambley ©
January 27, 2016

Majik

Majik

Must have been born under a wayward wizards spell
Old school learning of the new age wanding ways
Pins and grins and knees that still show where skinned
Playing with words, plying them in to woven weird’s
Enchanting, incanting, adding sense to an other’s nonsense
To but a blessed few, they are granted one such as you

G.R. Hambley ©
January 13, 2015

Unibutterkitty

We don’t know where he came from
We have tried without success to discover.
He has become a beloved part of our menagerie.

Unibutterkitty

BartholoMEW

Bright eyed one, we adore that impish twinkle
Acting up, acting out, we know what you’re about
Running wild, giving a wink and taking to flight
Trailing your rainbow glitter while looping the loop
Heading on in for that special one point landing

Oh we tease and admire those things that are distinctly you

Laughter in innocent eyes, mirth in that wide smile
One with us you are small one, a family of your own
Made to order one of a kind creatures unique like you
Each of us to our own and like family, each for us all
Where ever you may journey, home will always be here

G.R. Hambley ©
January 13, 2016

 

The Bunny

The Bunny

Hello old friend, it is so very good to not see you again
And thank you, and yes O’ furry one I did miss you too
Really and truly I did, doesn’t flow the same without you
Varied places you say, some enjoyable provocative sorts I trust
Each had a charm did they, not quite enough to keep up eh
Yes my friend the same for me, no, none of them enough of you

G.R. Hambley ©
January 12, 2016