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Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Category Archives: Funny

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I was outside one of my coffee spots. Yes I know, so far not a surprise or funny.

A store a couple of doors down is being remodelled. Two Sprinkler guys are on that site. Now so you know, Sprinkler Guys are Plumbers Lite.

So you’re aware of the degree of mental acuity, plumbers only know 3 things. Breaks are at 10 & 2, payday is on Thursday and Shhhh…. runs downhill. So how much can sprinkler guys know is a valid question except it aint question.

One sprinkler guy is trying to get a short length of 1″ ID pipe out of the van. There is flooring in the van and the pipe is stored under the flooring in different sizes. The flooring has compartments that are long enough to hold full lengths of pipe.

He’s tries one length of threaded rod to fish the pipe out. No Luck. Think trying to pull cotton or a pill out of a bottle with one finger and it keeps getting away. A friction fit. Next, the guy goes the same route but with three lengths of threaded rod. He eventually gets the about 2′ piece of pipe out of the van.

Guy puts a couple things away and says to me as he’s heading to the store, “How we doing”. Now he could see I was amused with his little adventure.

I said to him, “I’d of done that differently”.

He says, “What, drive backwards real fast then hit the brakes!

And I said, “I would of put a toggle bolt on the end of the threaded rod”.

Guy thinks about it for a couple seconds and says, “That’s a good idea”.

My way might not have worked but it sure beats mucking up the threads on the rod(s).

This also illustrates a point I like to make, when you encounter someone, you never know what they have in their repertoire. That person you encounter might just be a smart ass. Or just maybe that person is a smart ass who knows stuff.

I had said nothing to the Sprinkler Guy. Wasn’t pointing and laughing either. When you ask someone a question, if you don’t like the answer given that is your problem and not the problem of the person responding. I cover that in “The Rules of Life”.

We also see the Sprinkler Guy’s character in this. When it didn’t go like he thought it was gonna go, he was gracious and thoughtful. Those are a couple qualities I really like.

I didn’t enlighten him that I am a Tin Smith, Commercial / Industrial Air System primarily. I don’t do it anymore and you know what, I haven’t gotten forgetful or stupid.

A toggle bolt, also known as a butterfly anchor, is a fastener for hanging things on hollow walls such as drywall. Toggle bolts have wings that open inside a hollow wall, bracing against it to hold the fastener securely.

G.R.Hambley
April 13, 2017

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GRINITATION

GRINITATION

It works. Try it for yourself.

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A Lady’s Dignity

A Lady’s Dignity

I’ve been meaning to write this up for a long while. This is a how to on getting in to the back seat of a car on a busy street when accompanied by a woman who’s wearing a short skirt or dress.

Let’s be real clear about me; I aint no gentleman. Never have been and never will be a gentleman. I am considerate and understanding. I have definitive ideas about how to look out for a woman I’m with and I said so in, “Escorting A Lady Through A Door”.

Guys if it’s your first date, you’re going to score big points with the lady you’re with by doing this. Hell, even if she aint wearing a short thing do this and you’ll still score big points with the girl!

I have just been outside one of my coffee spots. I’ve seen this take place so many times where the guy didn’t know how to do it and the woman wasn’t pleased. The woman wasn’t pleased to have been sliding across the back seat. It’s a journey for the woman of making sure there is no discovery of Treasure Island.

The tell tale duality that is the look of disgust and discomfort that only a woman can convey.

Guys, we too can do that look; just not anywhere near as good as the ladies! A thing of true amusement as long as that look isn’t directed at you. Unfortunately for the lady in the current event, the guy was sky gazing and didn’t see the look she was giving. From the look on the woman’s face, she knew the right way to go about this adventure and the guy was going to hear about it.

I can’t even feel for sorry my fellow man in this case. Well I did have a tiny bit of empathy for him as I was thinking, “you poor bastard, you’re gonna be hearing about this”! That was probably more of an autonomic guy response than real empathy cuz I was smiggling* at the time. Smiggling, someone has to make up words and I’m good at it!

The Uber had pulled up and our not such a hero opens the back door. He points for the woman to get in. She looks at him for a second and then does so. The lady has to turn sideways so her back is to the other door and then slide along the seat while trying to keep her dress from riding up and giving the driver a nice rear view mirror peep show. Our hero gets in, closes the door and off they go.

This is the correct way on a busy street where you can’t walk around to the other side of the car after seating the lady and closing her door.

When the car pulls up you get in first. Go about mid way across the seat so you can reach the door to close it after the woman gets in. If there is dust and dirt on the seat, it’s now on you and not on her pretty dress or skirt.

When the lady seats herself you lean across her and close the door.

There are a few benefits from doing it this way you may not have considered. If you put the arm not closing the door up on the back of the seat around the woman for balance, you can just leave your arm there after closing the door. You could put that free hand on the ladies thigh for balance and if you’re closer in acquaintance, give that thigh a little squeeze. Let her know you like! If nothing else you’ve presented your cheek for a kiss for being so gallant!

You’ve also protected the lady’s dignity and I happen to think that deserves a kiss!

If the lady hasn’t recognized what you have done for her, In the interest of equality you good Sir are now free to tell her about it!

And what did I see of our heroine in this little adventure I’ve related? If I told you what I saw, just what kind of a protector would I be? The answer is always nothing. I saw nothing but her face.

Try this if you need a smile in the moment.

G.R. Hambley ©
July 02, 2016

*Smiggle is my own word – combined smirk and giggle
*Smiggling – combined smirking and giggling

Stoney Lonesome

We’ve a new friend in the writers Menagerie. Our new pal has made him self quite at home with me and the others. He has BartholoMEW to fly with. Horace, Harvey and Jerome appreciate having a 4th for Euchre and Bridge.

When he and Bernie sing at the same time it can drive you right bonkers! You can listen for yourself. Bernie is all about the tunes but this guys likes the videos. Hard to believe our new friend is as old as he is.

He’s complex and really a sweet guy when you get to know him who does have his moments. But don’t we all have our moments; some of them Majik.

All the links open to new tabs.

Stoney Lonesome

Resting on the roof in his dignified resolute way
Eons long he’s been the go to one and now he’s numb
Going to take some serious doing to stop him stewing
Inclined to make old stone face smile so up the case I go

Reginald Gargoyle

Now and again he remembers his heart isn’t stone
An angel’s love he says he’s without so relishes quiet
Looking off in to space so you can’t see his teary face
Dreary days turn to dark nights and she’s not here

G.R. Hambley  ©
June 14, 2016

Chronological Posting List

Bird Warbles

One more from the Menagerie that enjoy the writers loft.

Yes another that appeared to fill a need. Attempts were made to discover from whence he came, no luck.

Each of the links opens a tune on Spotify the Bird likes. The last one is his theme song!

Bernie

Bird Warbles

Bop, bop, bop goes that beaky bird
Endless renditions of “peel me a grape
Rousing the rest to “be bop, bop, bop a lula
New age techno pop a not, not, not
Indie rock never gets stuck in that craw
Everybody’s rockin’ the joint, a job well done

G.R. Hambley ©
February 06, 2016

The Bunny

The Bunny

Hello old friend, it is so very good to not see you again
And thank you, and yes O’ furry one I did miss you too
Really and truly I did, doesn’t flow the same without you
Varied places you say, some enjoyable provocative sorts I trust
Each had a charm did they, not quite enough to keep up eh
Yes my friend the same for me, no, none of them enough of you

G.R. Hambley ©
January 12, 2016

Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang!

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Your Number One.”

The #1 song in the US on my date of birth

Well considering I’ve gone on to make, “MAJIK” perhaps the song is highly relevant and poignant.

I do have a great love for “The Word” and for Art. Both my words and art and that of others.

I guess there is something relational to Alvin because I do get in to stuff and can be a smartass. Follow the link and you can judge for yourself.

Spasm-Banner01

The Chipmunks also did a version of, “Yankee Doodle Dandy” and I do know alternative words to that little ditty. Yeah, you don’t wanna know! Well I just choose not to put it here but if you ask quietly, remember you asked!

Being Canadian and therefore a Member Of The Commonwealth I checked the UK Chart as well. That just depressed me. NOT. NOT, NOT!

I’ve written lyric poetry that just needs someone to put the dots put to it.

It is just so unfair. Don’t know where Purple People Eater or Love Potion No 9 charted or when but purple is my favourite crayon and I’ve written a bit of eroticism that is very well received.

Winter Freeze is the PURPLE art.

Delight is my best piece of eroticism. The poetry 45 minutes. The art, 8 hours.

John Donne is an other I love.

 

https://play.spotify.com/track/5j5JjvsOUA2OjTDVdJiZOx

One Of Those Days! #1

One Of Those Days! #1

We all have those day for a number of reasons
We all me thinks have this feeling on those days

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The feeling of being run over by a train!

Click on the image for larger

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Original Shot

Tracks are in the Mojave Desert near the Boneyard.

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Bonus Shots

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You can see just a hint of the Boneyard in the shot below.

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G.R. Hambley – all rights reserved

Left Brain Right Brain Balance

UPDATE: February 20, 2016
I just took another LB/RB test, which I refer to as, “checking my bells”. Not as extensive but the result returns the same, 50/50.

The link and result are at the end.

Left Brain Right Brain Balance

I took a test a while back and it came back exactly 50/50 Left/Right Balance. Not 49.9 to 50.1, 50/50.

Balance is important because without balance you bump in to things and fall over a lot. That is as much a physical as metaphysical statement. Bumping in to things and falling over, not fun!

There are links to Brain Balance at the end of the 5 image presentation.

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Image 1.

01 Balance-START-Complete

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Image 2.

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04 Balance-RIGHT-Complete

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Image 3.

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02 Balance-LEFT-Complete

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Image 4.

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03 Balance-EQUAL-Complete

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Image 5.

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05 Balance-GRH-Complete

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In fact, I am devoutly warped and wouldn’t have it any other way!

G.R. Hambley – all rights reserved

If you enjoy these things you will delve further in to the study for yourself.

Improve Your Brain
Balance Your Brain Hemispheres
Left Brain Right Brain Quiz

February 20, 2016, “A Real Me LB/RB test

Gary LBRB Result Feb 20 2016

Coffee and a 90 Second Sonnet

Coffee and a 90 Second Sonnet

I’d had to go outside one of my coffee spots to warm up, got looking at the sign and 90 seconds later I had an acrostic sonnet.

Okay so it isn’t classic sonnet style but it’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Something I want to make very clear. The coffee elves are very good about turning the A.C. off when it gets real frosty. The problem isn’t the care and concern of the good elves. The problem is a poorly designed system that won’t shut off because there is no proper sensing of the environment.

And how do I know this you ask? Sheet Metal was my trade. Commercial / Industrial air systems more specifically.

Next, I want my “Canadian Dragon Fish”! A while back coffee spot was running short of all 3 of their brews. They asked if I’d like a combo of what they had. I said sure just give me a 1/3 of everything. Not unusual for me as I’d make my own blend when going to the grocery store.

The blend of the 3 was really good so I just stuck with that mix when I’d come in. I liked it so much I gave it the “Canadian Dragon Fish” name. Coffee elves at the couple spots I frequent liked that I named the blend and they really liked the name I gave the blend.

The 3 coffees in the blend are, True North (Canadian), Pike Place (pike is a fish) and Komodo Dragon (Dragon).

Coffee spot hasn’t had that blend for a while and the current blend is quite good but it just aint as good as my blend. Yes, the coffee elves got to calling it, “Gary’s Blend” and Gary wants it back!

G.R. Hambley © July 11,2015

Slowly
Turning
A
Radiant
Blue
Under
Cold’s
Killing
Cantankerous
Over
Frigid
Facility
Eviscerating
Energy
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