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Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Category Archives: Pain

Warning Signs – Lyric

Warning Signs

Lyric

(chorus)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Ignored all your flashing eyes warning signs

(verse)
From here to there and back to there from here
Can’t quite keep straight what I’m supposed to do
Don’t quite know where I’m supposed to go
This lovin’ baby of mine, got me so I just don’t know

When she’s here she’s gone somewhere else
The calls keep dropping, she can’t say why
Got so many questions you’re going to have to hear
Any one answer could break this lovin’ heart

(chorus)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Ignored all your flashing eyes warning signs

(verse)
More and more feeling I’ve made myself blind
I don’t know what’s got you getting in so late
Would you let me know if you’d found a new flame
Wondering how much more of your lovin’ I can take

Desires died, just like pissing out the fire at night
Almost believe it’s how you wanted this to go
This disinterest is our death so we gotta part
No grave yard sighs, thanks for the lovin’ and goodbye

(chorus end)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Should of paid attention to your signs of the times

G.R. Hambley ©
October 24, 2017

Chronological List

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Lyrics List

Lyrics List

Then one day you look around and notice just how many you’ve done.

There is a contact me form at the end of the list.

G.R. Hambley © all rights reserved.
1 Little Black Dressed is collaboration that is very special.
Living out life in a gleeful rage
Innocence in this smile, tricks in another
The sweetness of the slaughter upon the lips
The second-hand silk is only a tease
2 Closing Time
Another time, another place,
you’d become not just another face
3 Making My Way
Walking round and round that house of tells
Your voice comes calling out in the dark
Heard you sayin’ it’d be right for this old heart
4 From The Stars
Long before there was sin
Way out where the souls begin
Came a song in a whisper
5 We Have One Now
Happens once and a while, only for one man smile
An angel face, melting eyes, her sweet breathy sighs
Dropping in to talk, lingering on a walk
6 Edge Walking
Waking to another day, already on the knife
Always at the ready, keep staying honed
Lookin’ round, it all appears the same as yesterday
7 Realize It’s Over
It’s about taking time to take time
There just hasn’t been much at all
Call comes in on the telephone line
8 On That Jersey Shore
Started out like any other day
Woke up with the waves calling
Wanted to just lie there numb
9 If You Dare
Once in a time
that was better than anything in your mind
Not so strange
in a world where love’s made such a change
10 Red Rose Among The Trees
Know this being all alone to well
Staying late, never going home
Seeing others close, sticks and stones
Hands in hands, hands in my pockets
11 Baby Be Mine
She’s colder than northern winds
She’s hotter than original sins
Gonna be there and bide my time
Do right and make that girl mine
12 Now Begins Forever
We’ve been going round and round
exchanging our half smiles
having all those conversations
where we won’t let them the end
13 Counter Cutie
Climbs herself up on that chair, gives up a little high thigh
Overtly lets them legs cross, grey skirt makes a swift shift
Uncrossing them, a small curvy push, tilting back the cool stool
14 Nella Notte Cieca
Believing with all her heart someday it’ll come true
Letting the living lie slide on out the way it came
Inside where she hides from herself and the pain
15 Angel Beach
We were just walkin’ along that beach
Seeing the ripples, rise higher and higher
Stopping to stare into that setting sun
16 Won’t You Tell Me
Baby I got these thoughts going on
Sitting all by myself at home
Sitting here feeling all alone
17 Beach Bound
Been working an all night day
Now there’s time for a little fun
Sun’s making its morning run
18 Departure Gate
Fretting over it hour after hour
Worrying about it night after night
Feeling it fall week after week
Been knowing it for months now
19 Train Of Thought
Sitting on this sweltering city roof
Far below people roaming around
Sweating and swearing as they go
20 The Devil’s Fine Day
He done went down from heaven
The boy just up and shuffled off
The Devil took himself a powder that day
21 Witness
Looking for a little down time
.     had to get myself away
Monday morning glory
.     wasn’t happening today
22 Crashing Down
Day slides it’s way to the end
Not looking forward to going home
Turning in at that bend in the road
Rather be making a long drive alone
23 Fallen Angel
Newly fallen she wakes to a different world today
And she’s never
never been on her own before
Went from home on the hill to a home on loan
24 In The Quiet Of The Night
Half past midnight and finally free
free from the demands of a clamoring world
World moving so fast it’s hard to keep your feet
feet feel like miles and the miles feel like hell
25 You No More
Sometimes you just know
just know you got no more
no more love left to give
26 Girls Rite
You hear them, it’s the shame every time
They’ve all had it happen, been torn apart
Now another one’s got the no romance blues
27 Falling Apart
These days are almighty long
the nights so lonely
Giving the best for the cheque
spending nights in hazy dread
28 Once Again
Once again freedom’s crying
ringing out while on the run
It falls to the old ones
those who long ago came of age
29 No More Yesterday’s
There were those who’d gone ahead
Learned the ropes and roads and dread
Some came and shared their mind
Others struggled and suffered and died
30 Everyone’s Girl
Her days don’t begin before three
Her nights spent in party grove
Never seen the sun go down
Seen it coming up so damn often
31 Lost And Found
The times wearing me on down
no time for any little thing
Sprung from the trap you set
gonna take the fast road back
32 Lake Side
Day dreaming out on the rocks
sun setting the lake ablaze
all but gone the hostage daze
letting down all the blocks
33 Haunting Her
Unseen she stepped inside
Know it’s her by the steps
She stares straight ahead
Her face kept firmly set
34 Once Bitten
We were young and oh so cool
Back when we were all fools
Feelin’ our way around
35 Spinsters
Stories making the rounds
none to be believed
none to be trusted
careful not to get busted
36 Left Unsaid
Whispers and rustles making the rounds
Sighs and gasps the disbelieving sounds
It’s between us, no one must, couldn’t ever be us
37 Were You Me
Watching out the window on a cloudy day
Caught up in all those billows shifting shapes
Faces through my ages floating in grey space
There’s so little that’s left out in front
38 Missing Day
Up in the morning and the coffee’s on
Sour dough toasting, golden for me
A little cinnamon sugar reminds of you
Not even seven and there’s the phone
39 Going Clean
Whispers in the air
Eyebrows raising up
Pretending not to hear
Taking in what’s said
40 If Only
Walking on home alone,
that old bell softly chimes
Passing right on by,
the tower bell strikes again
Falling farther behind
that niggling bell tolls once more
G. R. Hambley ©
All rights reserved

Rite of Passage or Practical Indignancy 101

Rite of Passage or Practical Indignancy 101

On 2 June, 2017 I made the visit to the new to me Pain Clinic I spoke of in my eHealth Ontario piece.

I went in with the information sheets filled out. Didn’t pull any punches on the forms. One of the questions was, “What would you like your doctor to do with the pain”. My written response, “Give it to the individual that hit me”. If you know me, you damn well know I did so write it down and you’re laughing because doing that is so me!

Yes, I brought out some theatre. Yes I brought out some of my intelligent donkey and yes I made it known I wasn’t pleased to be having to do the same things again because there is next to nothing in the way of records attached to me.

Put more simply, you gotta rise to the occasion!

I went in there prepared to make a stand and with an open mind. Both objectives were accomplished.

No nonsense, no pretense, no side stepping. Oddly as I was being examined, I was never questioned about my answer to the “what do you want done with your pain” question.

You’d think the Docs would of wanted to discuss my B.A. (bad attitude) but nary a word.

The initial questioning was done by a resident. Poor dear girl, exposing one so young to a mind like this.

Going through the info sheets and the Resident asking me if there was anything else that made the pain feel better, and I said, “Not without a partner”. A blank look on a doctor’s face after you’ve answered their question, priceless! I don’t know how anyone else feels but, I don’t think you should have to explain the benefits of sex to a doctor, even one in training.

It is incumbent on you to tell your health care professionals the truth. It is in your best interest to be emotionally present when discussing your condition(s). They have to know your mindset as well as your physical status. Complete communication is not an invitation to go off on a rant. A rant  is singular expression and not communication in a good way.

The simple explanation is that there is a long history of dealing with chronic pain attached to me and I still have chapters to go. I had a lot to say and I did a lot of talking during this examination.

No, no seeing doctors as Gods by me. Doctors are just body mechanics. I’ll grant you they oversee the most complex machines on the planet but they’re still mechanics.

I made certain both doctors, the anesthesiology resident and the specialist were clear on what I wouldn’t do. A stand had to be made. I am simply not going to keep doing what doesn’t work and relating it to new faces any longer.

I’ve been dealing with chronic pain far longer than those that need it will receive palliative care. My demand is simple, give me the same considerations in my medical dealings with chronic pain that would be given to an individual in Palliative care.

Palliative care is a multidisciplinary approach to specialized medical care for people with life-limiting illnesses. It focuses on providing people with relief from the symptoms, pain, physical stress, and mental stress of the terminal diagnosis.

I’ve been living with chronic pain almost 1/2 my life. Oddly mine too is Osteoarthritis. What the court did is good because the Feds didn’t get it correct with Bill C-14, Medical Assisted Dying and that piece of legislation still needs work.

Let’s not be reading things in to the statements I’m making that aren’t there. I’ve a 150 year life plan that is my harmless little fantasy so leave me the hell alone.

Part of your decision must come from dealing with the reality of your own impending death. You are setting a termination date for yourself and that reality may help you examine your pain more closely. I would hope the death reality would make you examine more closely.

I’m tired of building the history when I have to see someone new. Hell. I’m tired of seeing the new. I’m tired of the slight variations in a molecular chain that just might make a positive difference for me. But we’ll have to try different dosages to see which will work, if any of course.

I enjoy my mind quite a bit. With all that goes on up there in my head space, I love my mind. Of course I talk to myself a lot. But then I show other people the conversations I’ve had with myself. This is called writing and it is how writing gets done. Talking to yourself and not writing it down is called something entirely different.

We are talking antidepressants here. Depression was part of the consultation conversation. By definition I am depressed. Going by the definition given to me by one pain clinic doctor, I’ve been depressed 30 days less than I’ve had pain. I wasn’t real pleased when the event took place so let’s call it 20 days.

I’m tired of having my brain chemistry tinkered with so I’m not going to take on the new old with a slightly different chain. I’m not taking it on despite telling the Doctor in charge that I would. Yup, I flat out lied to the Doctor. The Doc got to feel  good that he’d done something good for me and I got him to stop pulling out stops.

I’m a creative. My mind is never off. I’ve been through this idea of treatment before and I can show you in my journal where my handwriting changes back to what it was when I stopped taking those mind altering drugs previously.

I’m still trying to figure out how me sleeping 25% longer, keeping me horizontal 25% longer is going to make me feel better. Especially so when the problem is I have to get up and move around to feel better. Doc didn’t have an answer for that.

The Doc did make the point of all drugs affecting the mind and that is true BUT, not all drugs directly affect cognizance and antidepressants do.

The consultation wrapped up and the primary clinic doc looks at me and says, “Degenerative” and I looked right back at him and said, “Yup”.

My demeanor and disposition are much improved with the decisions I’ve made. I’m not shutting off and tuning out. You present me a possible treatment option that is new and I’ll listen.

I know this stuff and if I need more help I’ll ask. I’ll keep regular with my primary pain doctor so he’s up to speed on what’s slowing me down.

I shall go forward in life happier because I’ve eliminated a major stressor!

G.R. Hambley ©
June 22, 2017

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Going Clean – Lyric

Going Clean

Lyric

Whispers in the air
Eyebrows raising up
Pretending not to hear
Taking in what’s said
Sure it stings but…
If you play the show
If you let them know
It’s not what they think they’ve seen
It’s their ending and you’re never gonna be clean

Waiting out on the stairs
You pass and laughter erupts
Won’t let them see you tear
Hair hiding the ears gone red
Sure it hurts but…
If you play the game
If you let them blame
It’s not what they think they’ve seen
It’s their ending and you’re never gonna be clean

Watching for an angry flair
Voices telling you you disgust
Head up smiling ear to ear
None of those voices a friend
Sure it’s hate but…
If you jump on in
If you give up the win
You know what they think they’ve seen
You know in their ending you’re never gonna be clean…

You know what happens if you go mean
You know being like them makes you… unclean

G.R. Hambley ©
May 21, 2017

 

Heartless – Lyric

Heartless

Lyric

It begins again in confusion
Some kind of grand illusion
Where it ends there’s no real telling
It’ll come without warning
I’ll be gone
leaving you quietly wondering
So why we starting this story?

It carries on in its fashion
Some nights of grand passion
When it ends there’s no real telling
It’ll come some morning
I’ll be gone
leaving you quietly crying
So why we turning this page?

It fails with a head on collision
Some words of persuasion
Why it ends is because it’s suffocating
It’ll come without you ever believing
I’ll be gone
leaving you quietly hating
So why we playing this romance novel?

I’m gone and… you’re crying
I’m gone and… you’re wondering
I’m gone and… you’re hating
I’m gone and… you had the heartless warning

G.R. Hambley ©
May 05, 2017

Falling Apart – Lyric

Falling Apart

(Lyric)

These days are almighty long
the nights so lonely
Giving the best for the cheque
spending nights in hazy dread
Remembering those afternoon delights
now none and nowhere to be found

Born to be worn on
worn on down
set down deep

Flew far from what wasn’t home
so much done with no regret
Climbing on to the last dance dream
never noticed the music end
Left alone to the falling apart
the hopes all slipping away

Born to be worn on
worn on down
set down deep

Young they say is wasted on the young
thirty-three and don’t remember when
Mirror, mirror where’d it all go
lines long as sidewalk cracks
What’s left not what it started out to be
no one to run to too tell

Born to be worn on
worn on down
set down deep

No solace, no consolation prize
can’t even get blind
There’s so little point anymore
it’s all fallen apart
Tears from a lost life dripping
drying on the gun in hand

Born to be worn on
worn on down
set down deep
down deep in the ground

G.R. Hambley ©
December 18, 2016

You No More – Lyric

You No More

(Lyric)

Sometimes you just know
just know you got no more
no more love left to give

You’ve gone round and round
and round one more time
more time won’t change this back

I’ve stood down and I’ve stood up
stood up when others talked down
down when I knew you lied again (rest 2 3 4)

You gotta know your hold is gone
You gotta know there’s no more
You gotta know, I gave you all, all, all… of me
Oh Oh…, you gotta know… (rest 2 3 4)

There’s gonna be someone else
someone else after I’m over you
over you and your ghost is gone

You never loved what you had
you had someone who just cared
just cared about you and no other

Won’t have hands holding my heart
my loving heart belongs beside another
beside another that knows how to love (rest 2 3 4)

You gotta know your hold is gone
You gotta know there’s no more
You gotta know, I gave you all, all, all… of me
Oh Oh…, you gotta know… (rest 2 3 4)

In love all alone had to end…
had to end so I could be free…
be free to love another… (rest 2 3 4)

You gotta know, I’ll give her all, all, all… of me
Oh Oh…, you gotta know… Oh Oh…, you gotta know…
she’ll be good to only me

G.R. Hambley ©
November 01, 2016

In The Quiet Of The Night – Lyric

In The Quiet Of The Night

(Lyric)

Half past midnight and finally free
free from the demands of a clamoring world
World moving so fast it’s hard to keep your feet
feet feel like miles and the miles feel like hell
Hell just might be the better place to hang
hang until these blues fade back to black

So so good to be here alone
alone with the quiet of the night

Tryin’ to drift away like in that old song
song in my heart that’ll maybe save my soul
Soul feels like it’s been laid out bare
bare and stripped away from the bone
Bone tired with a mind gone out of touch
touch is something that I’ve been out of too

So so good to be here alone
alone with the quiet of the night

Heart needs to let the head fly free
free to make a little fantasy flight
Flight from here to there with no ticket to return
return for what when there’s no who at home
Home as empty as the liars solemn promise
promise of the wish made on a shooting star

So so good to be here alone
alone with the quiet of the night

Stars fading in and out among the clouds
clouds drifting away to where they go
Go quietly with that good night they do
Do I or don’t I just blindly turn away
Away with the blues and the black too
too many nights left to go on lonely but…

So so good to be here alone
alone and living with the quiet of the night

G.R. Hambley ©
October 27ish, 2016

Fallen Angel – Lyric

Fallen Angel

Lyric

Newly fallen she wakes to a different world today
And she’s never
never been on her own before
Went from home on the hill to a home on loan
And she doesn’t have
have even a single soul she can call
Tears are dried, makeup’s so artfully applied
And when she leaves
leaves the door to her heart locked up tight

Prowling round, lost and won’t be found
Angel fell from such an unhappy place
Angel landed in such a strange space
Angel with no smile on her face

The turning heads say she’s coming this way
And there she is
she’s the haunted hunting kind
Nails tapping out some tune only she knows
And she’s marking time
time stepping along the broken road of her life
Not seeing at all and seeing everyone she passed by
And she’s aloof
aloof in the world that’s her lonely desire

          Prowling round, lost and can’t be found
          Angel fell from a place of fame
          Angel landed in the space of blame
          Angel with the face of shame

Spends her day roaming blindly from shop to shock
And she cries
cries tears that no one will ever see fall
Heads her way home to die a little more behind that door
And she hates
hates that tomorrow is just one more heartless day
One more loveless day gone in a broken angel’s paradise
And she wants
wants the world to turn again for her for just one day

G.R Hambley ©
October 03, 2016

Crashing Down – Lyric

Crashing Down

Lyric

Day slides it’s way to the end
Not looking forward to going home
Turning in at that bend in the road
Rather be making a long drive alone

Sun’s last look leaves only gloom
Dark’s close to what’s got my heart
Putting a smile on top of my blue
Any reason not to have it all start

Round and round we’ll go,
     without any hope in sight
Round and round we’ll go,
     without any end to the night

Barely made it through the door
Accusations already being thrown
Shouldn’t be treating me so poor
No reason for her to be cursin’

Wondering where she’s getting this
Never ever been reason for cause
In her eyes a burning mist
Turns away leaving me at a loss

Gotten to whenever I look,
     our world is crashing down
Gotten to whenever I think,
     we’re both gonna drown

Thoughts going round so slowly
So this is caught up in a whirlpool
Hanging on to whatever saves me
Feeling like being played for a fool

Right down to the brass tacks
Come early in the morning
Gonna just make my tracks
Cuz I’m all done caring

Never saw things with you going,
     from white to black
Never saw things with you where,
     there’d be no going back

G.R. Hambley ©
August 07,2016