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Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Category Archives: Relationship

Single and Sixty, Sage Advice

Single and Sixty, Sage Advice

This isn’t an “If I can do it you can do it” piece. There is nothing Machiavellian going on here. It goes on elsewhere and I’m working on that too!

Machi Fini MINSARC FINI signed.jpgSo, I’m now a couple months in to my 60’s and it just aint that big of a deal going from my 50’s in to my 60’s.

The greater emotional turmoil was going from my 30’s in to my 40’s. You soon realise on reaching that number, it’s the backside of life. There was an emotionality in that number that just is not present in the number I’ve now reached.

I’ve spoken with a few of my age group and the few I’ve spoken with concur that the 40;s was tougher than the 50’s or 60’s.

We’ve now touched the age factor and I’ve had a walk around so lets move on to the single aspect at my semi advanced age.

It comes down to choices folks. The choices you make for yourself. I said it before and I say it again, if you care to navigate the world from your armchair, so be it. If you want different you can have different with change. Maybe have a walk around and ponder on it. Who knows what you’ll see.

SZ0075Film is one of my things and for several years I stopped going. I love film and yet I lost all interest in seeing anything new. It became firmly entrenched when “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer” was released, that there is nothing new and the reaching that was getting done to be different

That thought, the emotion, everything has been done hung me up at one time in my own works. Then I had the realization that while everything may have been done, it hasn’t been done my way.

Now when I go to films, I watch them differently. I’m more interested in how others deliver their art and I watch more critically with my artists eye.

I’ve seen several films in recent weeks and went to them all with only me for company.  I enjoy my company and I hope you are someone who enjoys the self.

Having someone to talk with about the film, among other things after you’ve seen it over Strawberry Rhubarb pie, and coffee and/or what ever your little hearts desire.

Something to nibble after a film, is nice as we all know, and when it’s an ear, all the nicer. If films aren’t your thing, there’s always “Sippy Hole Racing” you can watch from that coveted armchair or hammock.

Doesn’t matter if film isn’t your thing. Maybe there is something else in your life you can rediscover from a different perspective? A new adventure with an old love.

Inspirational Moment HeaderOne of the films I went to see was, “Book Club”. The audience demographic was quite interesting. Mostly female and some there by themselves.

A good time was had by all who attended. Why? Because funny isn’t age or gender specific is why. We older people know more funny shit than younger people do. We’ve had much more time to refine our “Snarkasm”.

Going to a restaurant alone is an issue for any number of single people. It was a minor issue for me too, for a time.

I’ve always done things by myself. Going and doing alone, not an issue that carries much weight with me still and I believe never will.

I think the most difficult part of going to a restaurant alone is in seeing couples or families enjoying their meals and the company they’re sharing even more. I believe that’s when the loneliness hits. Those emotional pangs turn to bites.

The intimate moments most of us love and I’m not talking about sex. Intimacy and sex are different things my fellow animals.

Yeah I know, the back row at the movies makes for nice intimate moments. If you could have your moments coincide with oh say, the crash and bang on the screen…

We would all be appreciative!

The emotionality and physicality hasn’t changed for me one bit now that I’m well over the hill. I can assure you the feeling hasn’t changed for a number of people in my age demographic.

The emotionality doesn’t appear to have changed for any of those that were enjoying “Book Club” by themselves. Out and enjoying the things they like to do, period. I also suggest going and seeing that film. It will appeal to all generations.

The reality of what we are talking about in this piece is the private hell that is your emotional headspace. You gotta be able to stand that space!

SZ0078

Beauchamp Gallery King Street East, Toronto.

Coping with the “I’m going alone” headspace?

I am for the most part, a solitary creature. I enjoy my own company and usually, my own headspace.  That previous sentence, there are those that would tell you I’ve just described myself as a loner. A loner who would have no issues going almost anywhere alone. Not liking crowds is not the same as being a loner.

If you’re a creative, then you’ll already know that we require a good deal of solitary time. Even if pen or brush are not in hand, we could be working on something. If that is you then I suggest you ponder on whether you’re getting out enough; at least to blow the dust off.

I also enjoy my community and getting out in it.

I am personable. I’m an observational writer; got any idea how much time I spend looking around? When I meet someone’s eyes, I don’t look away like I’ve been caught looking at something I shouldn’t be, I give a little smile.

Sometimes I notice people looking my way and I smile when they look away quickly. Hey, no one did anything but look around, relax.

There are a couple people who know one of the things I do but unfortunately I don’t have the recognition of a Warhol or Vargas. You can look or trust that I’m a visual artist as well.

I like recognizing the people in my community and that they recognize me.

Even when I’m not seeing anything I’m looking around, non-vacantly. It’s a writer/creative thing.

Getting out and meeting people will require eye contact. If you aren’t comfortable with eye contact I suggest you start with your self, in the mirror, while you tell yourself it’s okay to be and go alone because alone doesn’t mean lonely.

I could ramble around this path until the cows come home. While I’ve been generationally centric in my examples, the feelings are the same for all of us.

Nobody wants to go alone. Many of all ages feel there is a stigma attached to going somewhere other people, couples, families and friends are and there you are alone, embarrassed.

These are feelings you’ll have to find a way to overcome if you want more of the world than what you see on your devices from where ever you’ve decided to park!

This is a good story and worth the read.
Go To The Movies Alone.

http://www.toulouseandtonic.com/go-movies-alone/

I’ve left the hardest part for last, human romantic relationship. Y’all had to know I’d get to it.

With the societal situation we live in today there is a great fear, especially for men that if you approach anyone because they interest you, the approach will be perceived as “harassment”. or possibly “Gold Digging”. We do have to cover all the bases folks and while harassment does happen so does opportunity seeking.

I reiterate, there are only two places and two places only where you meet people, at work and in your activities. Almost everything comes down to two things. Don’t forget your fractions, lowest common denominator.

I know. Trust me I know. With the anger and distrust between the sexes it is difficult to know how to approach anyone.

That brings me back to getting out and doing things you like. There will be other people there like you doing something they enjoy.

If you go to these places with the mindset you’re going there just to enjoy yourself with others who are of a like mind, you’ll (once past the initial jitters) have a good time. Go for yourself and if you meet new friends or someone interesting, lucky you.

If you’re of younger generation and you are thinking about having a family. Your chances of meeting someone at work are not real good. Maybe find symposiums you can go to that are field related.

I actually feel somewhat sorry for the people who live to work (we all know those types) because the chances of meeting someone like you at your place of employment where a hello could get you in in deep sit….. Sitting and listening to HR preach to you on how you must say hello…. Get out and play in traffic where it’s safer for your sanity.

So what is it I want you wonder? This is subject to change but what I want currently is a fulfilling monogamous relationship with autonomous roof.

Like other of my generation and it is a pretty good way to be with relationship so me, I am both looking and not, at many things.

G.R. Hambley ©
July 02, 2018

 

 

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Orwellian Studies No. 1

Orwellian Studies No. 1

This morning as I’m going in to my coffee spot I encountered signs, two of them to be precise. Those two sStudies Orwell Fini 01signs were an easy jump in to something else I’m working on.

In the moment and I’ve been saying it for a couple decades, Orwell missed by 50 years. Part of my reasoning that Orwell missed by 50 years you can see in my “Jacked In” piece.

It only took Microsoft a shade over 20 years to learn they erred, grievously.

The first one, a sign for the good service elves who take good care of the patrons. All of the patrons and not just the regulars they come to know.

When I first saw the sign I thought to myself , hey their concerns have reached across the 49th parallel. I understand this is more in their dealings with each other than with the customers.

Starbucks SensitivityThere are only 2 places you meet people and 2 places only. At work and in your activities. That’s it.

Sexual Harassment without question is a problem and it is wrong. Telling people whom they can and can’t express an interest is also without question blatantly wrong. I feel for people who have encountered someone and harbour a genuine interest

The way I see it, if you have a genuine interest you have two options and two options only. You can move and persue a relationship or you can suppress.

The other sign was the tour bus of Ontario’s PC Leader. Not the first time I’ve seen that bus. I haven’t seen the Leaders of the sitting Liberals or of the NDP at all.

 

Again a government has displayed it’s totalitarian disdain for the people and the people have been cast in to having to vote strategically to remove the blight. Having to vote strategically because of what these fools have brought upon themselves.

All of the parties want the acquiescence of the people. They are all the same.

The best person for my riding may be the Liberal. Sorry Charlie, no vote for you!

This is how I see it going tomorrow.

The PC’s will be given a mandate by the voters. Whether it will be a majority or minority I’m just not certain. If I have to pick one, I say majority.

Ford Bus June 06

The Ontario election is tomorrow and I encourage everyone to get out and be relevant. Go vote.

G.R. Hambley ©
June 06, 2019

All images are my own.

 

Stirrings

Stirrings

Evolving and adapting ‘tisn’t so for every such thing
Maturation hasn’t taken what is desirously alive
Byways in sunset years, a life long constant smoulders
Eagerly and ambivalently skipping stones in this new old age
Relations and passing ships should they dock or not
Solely isn’t lonely, without young angst, this heart still seeks

G.R. Hambley ©
May 01, 2018

Chronological List

I Can’t Stay

I Can’t Stay

Lyric

Your tears fall on the seed you planted
Your plan for the perfect man you wanted
Those words taking me for granted
Those words leaving me haunted

I keep talking and you don’t hear
I keep showing and you aren’t there
Where are you when it’s me that’s laid bare
Where are you when I need the love and care

And I’ve been calling, calling to say

Oh darlin, I’m not just for fawning
     a pet in your garden party
Oh darlin’ I want to dance
     but not in your garden party
Oh darlin’ I ‘m not going to stay
     on display in your garden party

You made our plans without me
You made so many things hard to see
The times I begged you to listen and believe
The times you ignored me when I’d grieve

I tried everything to get through
I had to tell my heart it isn’t you
What happened isn’t some thing new
What happened is only one heart spoke true

And I’m still calling, still calling to say

Oh darlin, I’m not just for fawning
     a pet in your garden party
Oh darlin’ I want to dance
     but not in your garden party
Oh darlin’ I ‘m not going to stay
     on display in your garden party

Oh darlin’ oh oh oh oh darlin’
I can’t stay
Darlin’ I had to say
I can’t stay
Oh darlin
I just can’t stay

G.R. Hambley ©
April 08, 2018

Please, Not Another Allegation

Please, Not Another Allegation

Jumping at the making of allegations by nameless and faceless entities must stop.

When allegations are made and there is no spine attached to the allegation, you can’t give it credence.

Strange days indeed and that aint no allegation. I wonder if John Lennon would find the days today stranger than or less than what his days were. I also wonder if Vlad Lenin is looking in from where ever he is, stroking his goatee and thinking, “Da Komrads”.

Fractured Factions punching out their truths without fear of repercussion. Have we not all learned that you don’t need to be accountable here in the age of knee jerk reactions to slander or libel. The current star of the knee jerk reaction, if a woman names a man, the man is guilty with out question and the poor hard done by sainted woman doesn’t even have to reveal her name or face.  Pretty sweet card to have at your disposal f you’re a game player or maybe just want a woman in a job that a man has.

On the political front the Leaders I’m most aware of are our PM and the POTUS. This is about where their dedicated opposition doesn’t snipe on a comment made. Both of those entities have stated allegations are wrong. No one from anywhere got on the leaders for the statement because all of us, each and everyone of us knows, making allegations without a formal declaration or charge is wrong.

It is too easy in today’s social justice climate to throw an allegation at your mark and have it stick with some faction that demands an immediate hanging out to dry of the person that the allegation names. This is wrong!

Ontario’s PC Leadership race is now over and I wonder how much 2 of the hopefuls were damaged by taking the FemiNazi position of, “if a woman says it and a man is involved, he’s guilty”.

I did see that there were both males and females who were outraged that the “Autoguilt Switch” was installed in Christine Elliot and Caroline Mulroney.

Had the conversation with a few people about what led up to the event, or as I like to say, “The trigger/driver for the event. Elliot and Mulroney did something that appears to be fine for Liberals and the NDP but not for conservatives.

Anyone who doesn’t take a conservative approach to nameless and faceless allegations; not throwing colleagues and friends under a bus to support the Social Justice Warrior position.

Both Mulroney and Elliot had the chance to do the correct thing, the proper thing and make a societal statement and didn’t. They sold out and championed for the FemiNazi ass saving position. Look where it got them both.

Obviously, there was dissension in the party, so we just might want to consider whom had the most to gain by what took place.  Elliot ran for the lead previously and lost and she has now lost again.

Conspiracy theorists of which I am not one but when you do the math on this one, someone got the knee jerk reaction they wanted but with Ford winning, I’m reasonably certain they didn’t get the result they expected by thinking the selection process had been set to auto-female.

We cannot give nameless and faceless allegations immediate credence because it is flat out wrong.

G.R. Hambley ©
March 15, 2018

Hazed and Confused

Hazed and Confused

Sailing unawares on your way today
Moving with a purpose only you know
Maybe it’s finally something that’ll be real
At least enough so you can make believe

Glamour girl gets her skirt caught in a twirl
Hair flip with the hapless I’m helpless giggle
Set free by the kindness of one of your strangers
Off you go leaving a wake of stalking heads

Should’ve taken the umbrella because,
because it looks like pain
I can see and it looks like,
like you’re headed for hell
Not a place for you,
you’re not going to fare well
You can trust me because,
because everyone knows I’m insane

Surprised to hear voices calling cats
Treats herself that the slights just imagined
Tricks of conscience kick start the reality train
Night scares turn over in to stormy days

Loving so many who don’t love her
Doesn’t understand how to be alone
She can’t stand going home on her own
No other girls she can tell her fears

She’s only one way to hide from voices
Taking solace in some lucky one’s arms
You look down, she tells you she loves you
You get up telling her you can’t love her

Should’ve taken the umbrella because,
because here comes the pain
I can see and it looks like,
like you’re already in hell
Not a place for you,
you’re already not doing well
You can trust me because,
because like you, I’m insane

G.R. Hambley ©
February 26, 2018

Shattering

Shattering

All round the world, love is deceiving
Mountains of love have been moved
Ashes and residues, marking such proved
Disciples crow that they are the deserving

Look hard, look twice at what you know
You think your wiles make everyone smile
Please see there are some whom you revile
Living to love when craving life’s marrow

Each and every way, not trying to understand
A null place, your heart‘s on your worn face
Stings under veils, still showing every trace
Angels in tattered wings working their plan

Night’s glitter faded to day wear tarnish
The door closes behind the window to your hole
Longingly watching, the abyss sinks your soul
You hang to hope knowing you’re about to perish

G.R. Hambley ©
December 22, 2017

Day 2 – 7 Day Black & White Challenge

Day 2 of the 7 Day Black & White Challenge

7 days, seven black and white photos of your life. No people, no explanation. Challenge someone new each day and tag the person who tagged you.

G.R. Hambley December 01, 2017

Warning Signs – Lyric

Warning Signs

Lyric

(chorus)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Ignored all your flashing eyes warning signs

(verse)
From here to there and back to there from here
Can’t quite keep straight what I’m supposed to do
Don’t quite know where I’m supposed to go
This lovin’ baby of mine, got me so I just don’t know

When she’s here she’s gone somewhere else
The calls keep dropping, she can’t say why
Got so many questions you’re going to have to hear
Any one answer could break this lovin’ heart

(chorus)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Ignored all your flashing eyes warning signs

(verse)
More and more feeling I’ve made myself blind
I don’t know what’s got you getting in so late
Would you let me know if you’d found a new flame
Wondering how much more of your lovin’ I can take

Desires died, just like pissing out the fire at night
Almost believe it’s how you wanted this to go
This disinterest is our death so we gotta part
No grave yard sighs, thanks for the lovin’ and goodbye

(chorus end)
Once upon a time, there was a time
Wasn’t much in way of reasoning
Should of paid attention to your signs of the times

G.R. Hambley ©
October 24, 2017

Chronological List

Lyrics List

Lyrics List

Then one day you look around and notice just how many you’ve done.

There is a contact me form at the end of the list.

G.R. Hambley © all rights reserved.
1 Little Black Dressed is collaboration that is very special.
Living out life in a gleeful rage
Innocence in this smile, tricks in another
The sweetness of the slaughter upon the lips
The second-hand silk is only a tease
2 Closing Time
Another time, another place,
you’d become not just another face
3 Making My Way
Walking round and round that house of tells
Your voice comes calling out in the dark
Heard you sayin’ it’d be right for this old heart
4 From The Stars
Long before there was sin
Way out where the souls begin
Came a song in a whisper
5 We Have One Now
Happens once and a while, only for one man smile
An angel face, melting eyes, her sweet breathy sighs
Dropping in to talk, lingering on a walk
6 Edge Walking
Waking to another day, already on the knife
Always at the ready, keep staying honed
Lookin’ round, it all appears the same as yesterday
7 Realize It’s Over
It’s about taking time to take time
There just hasn’t been much at all
Call comes in on the telephone line
8 On That Jersey Shore
Started out like any other day
Woke up with the waves calling
Wanted to just lie there numb
9 If You Dare
Once in a time
that was better than anything in your mind
Not so strange
in a world where love’s made such a change
10 Red Rose Among The Trees
Know this being all alone to well
Staying late, never going home
Seeing others close, sticks and stones
Hands in hands, hands in my pockets
11 Baby Be Mine
She’s colder than northern winds
She’s hotter than original sins
Gonna be there and bide my time
Do right and make that girl mine
12 Now Begins Forever
We’ve been going round and round
exchanging our half smiles
having all those conversations
where we won’t let them the end
13 Counter Cutie
Climbs herself up on that chair, gives up a little high thigh
Overtly lets them legs cross, grey skirt makes a swift shift
Uncrossing them, a small curvy push, tilting back the cool stool
14 Nella Notte Cieca
Believing with all her heart someday it’ll come true
Letting the living lie slide on out the way it came
Inside where she hides from herself and the pain
15 Angel Beach
We were just walkin’ along that beach
Seeing the ripples, rise higher and higher
Stopping to stare into that setting sun
16 Won’t You Tell Me
Baby I got these thoughts going on
Sitting all by myself at home
Sitting here feeling all alone
17 Beach Bound
Been working an all night day
Now there’s time for a little fun
Sun’s making its morning run
18 Departure Gate
Fretting over it hour after hour
Worrying about it night after night
Feeling it fall week after week
Been knowing it for months now
19 Train Of Thought
Sitting on this sweltering city roof
Far below people roaming around
Sweating and swearing as they go
20 The Devil’s Fine Day
He done went down from heaven
The boy just up and shuffled off
The Devil took himself a powder that day
21 Witness
Looking for a little down time
.     had to get myself away
Monday morning glory
.     wasn’t happening today
22 Crashing Down
Day slides it’s way to the end
Not looking forward to going home
Turning in at that bend in the road
Rather be making a long drive alone
23 Fallen Angel
Newly fallen she wakes to a different world today
And she’s never
never been on her own before
Went from home on the hill to a home on loan
24 In The Quiet Of The Night
Half past midnight and finally free
free from the demands of a clamoring world
World moving so fast it’s hard to keep your feet
feet feel like miles and the miles feel like hell
25 You No More
Sometimes you just know
just know you got no more
no more love left to give
26 Girls Rite
You hear them, it’s the shame every time
They’ve all had it happen, been torn apart
Now another one’s got the no romance blues
27 Falling Apart
These days are almighty long
the nights so lonely
Giving the best for the cheque
spending nights in hazy dread
28 Once Again
Once again freedom’s crying
ringing out while on the run
It falls to the old ones
those who long ago came of age
29 No More Yesterday’s
There were those who’d gone ahead
Learned the ropes and roads and dread
Some came and shared their mind
Others struggled and suffered and died
30 Everyone’s Girl
Her days don’t begin before three
Her nights spent in party grove
Never seen the sun go down
Seen it coming up so damn often
31 Lost And Found
The times wearing me on down
no time for any little thing
Sprung from the trap you set
gonna take the fast road back
32 Lake Side
Day dreaming out on the rocks
sun setting the lake ablaze
all but gone the hostage daze
letting down all the blocks
33 Haunting Her
Unseen she stepped inside
Know it’s her by the steps
She stares straight ahead
Her face kept firmly set
34 Once Bitten
We were young and oh so cool
Back when we were all fools
Feelin’ our way around
35 Spinsters
Stories making the rounds
none to be believed
none to be trusted
careful not to get busted
36 Left Unsaid
Whispers and rustles making the rounds
Sighs and gasps the disbelieving sounds
It’s between us, no one must, couldn’t ever be us
37 Were You Me
Watching out the window on a cloudy day
Caught up in all those billows shifting shapes
Faces through my ages floating in grey space
There’s so little that’s left out in front
38 Missing Day
Up in the morning and the coffee’s on
Sour dough toasting, golden for me
A little cinnamon sugar reminds of you
Not even seven and there’s the phone
39 Going Clean
Whispers in the air
Eyebrows raising up
Pretending not to hear
Taking in what’s said
40 If Only
Walking on home alone,
that old bell softly chimes
Passing right on by,
the tower bell strikes again
Falling farther behind
that niggling bell tolls once more
G. R. Hambley ©
All rights reserved