Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm
I was given what you’re looking at as a Birthday Gift a number of years ago. I’ve carried it ever since.
Someone I know somewhat closely was in a quandary. In a head-space that someone else laid on them.
That my friends is what we call an “Emotionally Controlling Act”. If you’ve read enough of my stuff, you know that behaviour does not fly with me!
I took my Talisman out of my pocket and did a few shots. I looked at it a few ways. Looked at it in the colour version you see and desaturated to Grey Scale or B&W if you like.
The Grey Scale is starker more statement than feeling. Go ahead and try it for yourself.
I sent the someone I’m somewhat close to the colour version. It’s warmer, more embracing. The warmth and embracing is what I believed was needed.
My gift was very well received and the one I’m somewhat close to will be exhibiting.
I’m glad.
G.R. Hambley ® December 07, 2017
If I can do it, you can do it!
The truth is, no, you can’t do what I do. Before you hurt yourself, or someone else, stop it!
I was asked about how I felt about the statement, “If I can do it, you can do it”. The asker’s context had to do with the statement as applied to someone with an addiction.
We aren’t talking trivialities here. This is not about the annoyance of someone who can and someone who can’t put a dish in the dishwasher.
The question was given to me with the following;
Not only was the tone condescending, the phrase itself seems to imply “no matter how difficult your struggle may be, mine was even more so, yet I overcame it. So you really have no excuse.”
Lets move to the application of that phrase that we have no problem accepting, advertising. Silly people think running that phrase out is a motivator and will boost sales.
My response included not only my disdain for that “Then you can” statement and the attackers who run it out as well as my disgust with the, “Give it your 110%” crowd. You aint got 110% so stop trying to give what you aint got! It’s making you nuts, stop it!
On any given day your 100% is different. Some days you’ll accomplish more. Some days you’ll accomplish less. Most days, you’ll accomplish about the same. At the end of the day if you can honestly say you gave it your 100%, you’re doing just fine. If you’re being told your 100% isn’t good enough, exploring why isn’t a bad thing to do.
Back to the main feature, “If I can do it, you can do it”.
That statement/action hits a few of my trigger points bang on. The passive/aggressive and the emotionally controlling brought to you by your local know nothing at all.
The term we’re talking about here is “Attack Therapy”. I do not believe in that approach because I believe attacking someone is going to result in failure. Then of course there is the fact the person being attacked isn’t at their best. You just don’t know what your attacking is going to do to an already problem psyche!
If “Attack Therapy” is something you believe you need, punch this in to your search engine, “Landmark Forum Attack Therapy”. I went to one of Landmark’s information sessions; couldn’t believe the audacity of one of Landmark’s individuals getting up in my face and not wanting to back down.
My masthead way up there says, “Certified Professional Coach”. The guy at Landmark Forum who was up in my face, he wasn’t. No matter how much he wanted to believe or have me think he is a coach, he wasn’t and never will be; at least not a good one. He hasn’t got the sensitivity required and being trained in “Attack Therapy”, he never will because he is about beating you down in to submission and building you up in the Landmark Image.
I wasn’t in the least pleased with this individuals acting out. You could also call the display, “Displaying”. Look that up in your guide to the animal kingdom. We’re animals too folks.
I made a bold statement myself, “no, you can’t do it”. My statement will cause some to be angry with me and others to think I’m full of it. Fair enough. I get it. I understand the mindset.
I’m asking that you process this a little different. I’m talking about an encounter that angered me. I was angry and didn’t flat out blast the perpetrator. I needed to find out just how full of shit this guy was and plan my counterattack. We can call it “Compose my rebuttal” if you prefer.
Getting someone backed down or brought down without creating a scene, quickly, one of my skills. Throwing your hands in the air, turning your back and walking away does not constitute deescalating the situation and making your point. It is important to make your point so the other person knows just how much you appreciated their action(s)!
“You did it so I can do it” you say? Maybe you can. Maybe you got in your personal makeup what I and some others got in our personal makeup. Having that makeup doesn’t give you the right to embarrass, humiliate or attempt to control someone. Fact is, if you really got the parts, you wouldn’t of laid that trip round the psyche on your victim.
Well “La Dee Da” is what a few have given to me in response to me talking about things I don’t do.
The defence mechanism of belief that says I am being condescending and seeing the person I’m speaking with as inferior to me. The belief that I’ve just told them, “If I can do it, you can do it”.
That belief position doesn’t stay with the individual for long because I won’t have it! They are enlightened directly. I don’t use, “You’ve offended me snowflake tactics” to enlighten those people either. Doing so would be an emotionally controlling tactic and that’s just wrong.
For those encounters to have happened at all means these people have been subjected to the “If I can do it, you can do it”, emotional control people have tried to exert on them.
There are far better ways than attacking to stimulate, motivate and support people.
A few days ago I got talking with an individual and the problem is addiction and the person came right out and said it in their telling me of their upset.
I just let the person go. When there was a falter after the initial rush, I said one word to the person, “Headspace”. The person shrugged and exhaled and very softly said, “yeah”.
I just waited and then I did something else that I can do and you can’t. I told the individual that they, “Absolutely Should” do something. I’m also very big on not telling people what they should do. The “If I can do it, you can do it” statement is also telling someone what they should do.
When I let loose the, “You absolutely should”, it was as affirmation and support. The individual was lamenting about not speaking up and letting their feelings be known.
I saw the person a couple days later. In a better frame of mind and with a thank you for me.
I tried a couple times informally working with people who have addiction and eventually I had to cut all ties. It had to be done and it wasn’t pleasant.
I don’t deal with addiction. I do not have the skill set to work with people with addiction. Just because someone else can do it doesn’t mean I can.
I aint got the parts and I know it. Those parts include wanting to and I don’t.
If you could see my contacts at a certain site, you would see a number of people with the word “Psycho” in their job title. These are the people you wanna talk to. Along with the physicality and emotionality of addiction there is the brain chemistry to be considered. These are the people that got a skill set you may need.
Those people can do it with addiction, I can’t and never will. This is called knowing and understanding your limitations.
G.R. Hambley ©
July 08, 2017
All rights reserved
We are about a year away from the next election in Ontario. The “No Wynne” Liberals are in full save their collective of asses mode.
Billion dollar scandals; The Liberals are infamous for billion dollar scandals! Over paying for electricity, multiple billions in the dumping of surplus electricity, not building gas plants and of course an oldie and a real goodie, the Billion dollar scandal attached to eHealth Ontario.
I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for almost ½ my life. First week of June I’ll be going to a new to me pain clinic. There is nothing of my past history following me around that is readily available to the staff of that clinic. Nothing they can review prior to seeing me for the first time. There is no historical data to compare against.
I’m going to have to relate everything, again. I’m going to have to fill out the same condition information sheets, again. I’m going to have to sign releases, again. I have to do these things all again because there is nothing attached to me for clinic staff to review.
Fortunately, I keep pretty fair records and they are all electronic. The information I’ve got will still require review. We’re going from ground zero and we shouldn’t have to. Part of the reason we have to start over when there is a change, because of the Billion dollar eHealth mess up courtesy of Ontario’s Governing Liberals.
True Wynne wasn’t Premiere in 2009 and McGuinty was. Also true Wynne and her Liberals have screwed up eHealth even more. With performance as the yardstick, I have to believe patronage with Wynne’s brother-in-law attached to eHealth.
Let me make it easy for you and me, your search parameter is, “Kathleen Wynne eHealth Ontario”. You aint gonna like it.
Signing the release to obtain is no guarantee what is being asked for is going to be delivered by the record holder to the record owner, me.
Two requests were made to obtain by my current doctor of my previous doctor. The requests went unanswered.
I’ve had the who owns the records conversation briefly with 2 different doctors over the last couple days. We all agree, the records belong to the patient. Without the patient there are no records to make.
You can get a vehicle repair/maintenance report from a dealership on a used vehicle you are purchasing. If the vehicle is plugged in to the system you get what has been entered. The dealership or mechanics that have worked on the vehicle don’t own the records, the vehicle owner does.
No more should we ever be having a problem with accessing our health records. The capability is here.
Is it fair to have a doctor go back 20 years and convert the patient file to “E” format? No, it isn’t. Is it unreasonable in this age for a doctor to be providing “E” data to the rightful owner after a current visit, no. The vehicle owner gets the mechanics report so why wouldn’t an individual get a report on their machine from the mechanic doctor?
Yes I understand there are a number of hurdles but the end goal is attainable. The end goal is for an individual to be able to control their own historical health information. The end goal would be much closer had Ontario’s Liberals not blown that Billion dollars.
Does Ontario’s Premiere Wicked Witch Wynne really care about the people as she would now have you believe? Electricity rate reduction and high speed rail Toronto – Windsor corridor to name a couple recent carrots being dangled for the proletariat.
“No Wynne” doesn’t care about the people and never has. Shouldn’t hold that against her though. I can’t name any politicians that care about the people. If they did, those politicians would get their party leaders in touch with the peoples anger and voice.
Kathleen Wynne does care about her bullying agenda and telling people what is absolutely best for them. Give Wynne pushback and she brands you or plays a card. The exception being showing up at her doorstep. Do that and then she’ll bend over and kiss your butt.
I came to these conclusions based on Wynne’s performance and oddly enough, Wynne’s lack of performance. You can bet big that Wynne and her Provincial Liberals are on board with the Federal Liberals in trying to eradicate free speech. See Federal Motion, M-103.
How soon do you think the Liberals will introduce “Governmentaphobia” in to a revised motion? All so you can’t talk about government with the scorn and disgust they so richly deserve!
I’ve used and will continue to use this Heritage Plaque that I pass 3 or 4 times a week. We as Ontarians and Canadians are entitled to a certain standard and we just aren’t getting it. Municipal to Provincial to Federal, we aren’t getting what we’re entitled to.
It isn’t wrong to be angry. It isn’t wrong to be vocal. What you do with the anger and the voice can be wrong. Those who would like to make you eat your anger and shut off your voice, that is called emotionally controlling and they’re the ones who are wrong.
Ontario’s next election is on or before June 07, 2018, be relevant!
G.R. Hambley May 27, 2017
All rights reserved
Medical Assisted Dying Bill C-14
Yesterday was April 30th, the end of “Testicular Cancer Awareness Month”.
Also yesterday, I was asked to put an 8 Ball emoji on my FB page for “Prostrate Cancer Awareness”.
I told the individual that asked I wasn’t saying no but I’d have something to say on the subject.
I don’t like to override myself. I like to give my postings 3 or 4 days before putting up something new. Exceptions to the rule and rule carefully those exceptions. I got a personal beaut too.
Causes, we all have them and most people are of the mind that their cause is the cause everyone should get behind. If you aren’t on board with them then you’re some kind of something they can stick a label on.
In my travels through April I saw no mention of what April represented on the cancer frontline. I’m talking about usual moving around in the core of my city. No special deals with a percentage going to research for testicular cancer. I got my face in a knot over this lack of male consideration in a piece I wrote about opting out on pink in October.
I was enlightened by a member of my community that one of those major entities I note in the no pink for me has changed the way they do things. This would also be a lesson in being at the least personable, and even better outgoing within your community. You do meet some terrific people.
I don’t know how far reaching the cancer campaign for, “Lady Balls” was. For the uninitiated, Lady Balls are ovaries. That was the crux of the campaign, ladies got balls. Appealing to those feminists sans vagina and FemiNazis everywhere no doubt. Pissing off more than a few along the way with the approach too.
Someone close to me went to Ovarian cancer. I know what it’s about. I can even use the real words that represent the condition. I also happen to believe you shouldn’t be cute when it comes to health matters. That doesn’t mean you should be brutal either.
We in the 1st world are pushed at electronically on a daily basis. Push technology assaulting us when we the people want pull technology. No one likes being pushed.
Showing what cause(s) you’re behind is a good thing. Showing and telling people in your own space where they can learn more about or support the cause, also a good thing. Quietly asking someone for a hand for your cause as was the case with my being asked to post the 8 Ball, another good thing.
In the moment I have my own causes to consider and the things I need to do to be done.
G.R. Hambley May 1st, 2017
Lyric
What you’re seeing is the font I write in. I’ve never been enamoured with the formatting options here at WP so on occasion, I work around the lack of options.
Spinsters
Stories making the rounds
none to be believed
none to be trusted
careful not to get busted
Those new age spinsters
dishing up their gospel
dishing up who’s in hospital
careful not to go to hell
Telling you what you should
dirt found on every track
dirt found in every attack
careful not to take it in the back
got yourself busted
took yourself to hell
won’t be coming back
Spinning hucksters wheel going round and round
Running freedom down in to the ground
Round and round…
Down in to the ground…
Going to take more than a frown…
Spew in streaming sensaround
feel that whole mind invasion
feel that total frustration
mold to fit the compilation
Spoon feeding the grand plan
using grins from ear to ear
using anything that will adhere
mold never stops injecting fear
Making the conscious beginning
listen to that self interested person
listen to that warning of treason
mold resolve to your reason
turn your dial to decompile
take hold of your fear
fill your head with reason
Spinning hucksters wheel going round and round
Running freedom down in to the ground
Round and round…
Down in to the ground…
Going to take more than a frown…
G.R. Hambley ©
April 22, 2017
(Lyric)
There were those who’d gone ahead
Learned the ropes and roads and dread
Some came and shared their mind
Others struggled and suffered and died
No one ever got out completely alive
Time hasn’t healed all our wounds
Easier now standing dressed and proud
Told the only way to win was not to play
Left choices to those we entrusted our fate
Now freedom calls us to shine another day
Can’t go back cuz there’s no more yesterdays
Won’t go back cuz there’s no more yesterdays
Already lived your yesterdays
So few right and too many wrong plans
Time has come to make another stand
Not going to wear the dreams they drape
Can’t let them drain us to fill their grail
This trip around no one is going to escape
There’s a new train leaving the station
Going to be a change in world relation
Angry faces with voices of dispute
None wanting freedom will be left out
Finally freed from their absolutes
Can’t go back cuz there’s no more yesterdays
Won’t go back cuz there’s no more yesterdays
Already lived your yesterdays
G.R. Hambley ©
January 17, 2017
Sir; I implore thee pay heed to that of which I bring you notice
Harkin I say, lend thy ear, give grace with quiescent presence
Overt displays, set them firmly beneath still feet lest they escape
Resultant of behaviours, yours, none with consideration shall tolerate
Talk of the cheapest nature makes cause for concern, draws ire out
Fidgeting mind exposed, given away by the motion of thine eyes
Understanding others doth lend insight to understanding thy self
Such consideration gifted thee; yet still righteous certainty remains
Each and every belligerent, arrogant, ignorant utterance so noted Sir
Due you by invitation, from me with malice aforethought, comeuppance
G.R. Hambley ©
April 17, 2016
I wasn’t sure on which of my two spots to bring something like this out on. I brought it here because this is about equality and behaviour. Equality in behaviour might be a more apt way to phrase. I haven’t seen much in the way of equality from women and that troubles me greatly because women say that is what they really want, equality. Maybe that position by women is just for show.
Toronto Star, March 26, 2016 – Trial Proves One Thing
It would be beneficial to read the story from “The Star” before continuing on with my piece. The greatest part of what I wrote is in response to the Star story by Catherine Porter.
The events of this trial as it took place spurred highly emotional responses. Not always a bad thing but on this topic and the way it went, checking the tude, and the gender bias would have been a damn good thing for many to do!
You can read two others stories I’ve placed links to at the end.
The bottom line and I’ll give it to you now is this; What took place on the stand led directly to the result.
And I said in response to the story:
Someone has to take the hard line opposite side so I’ll do it. That would be equal treatment.
A real nice one way slant in the Star’s story. Yes, lip service to the male perspective. This piece is written by what can only be a man hating Feminist.
Tell me, how is someone a creep when they’ve admitted prior they like rough? Might not be to the taste of the majority but that doesn’t make someone who practices such a creep. Ever hear of, “Erotic Asphyxia”? While you’re at it have a look at, “Autoerotic Asphyxiation”, maybe try it out!
Tell me, are women (or men) incapable of asking what exactly someone means by rough or only capable of unintelligible cooing?
Tell me, what kind of woman seeks out a man who’s admitted to his tastes, encounters those tastes, reportedly didn’t like it and then goes back? There is no “Stockholm Syndrome” here. No one was held captive.
What I see in this is that every one of those women wanted to land the guy for their own interests after the incident. Men have a few words for women like them but let’s just go with, “Gold Digger”.
Tell me, who doesn’t know that the defence is going to do its job in court? Maybe a woman running on the “boo hoo I can say anything I want and I’m entitled to different treatment” plan?
Tell me, how are these women not responsible for their own slaughter in the court?
Tell me, why shouldn’t the colluding, conniving lying DeCoutere apologize for the damage done? With DeCoutere we know what she did from evidence. What she and the others did made it easy for the defendant not to take the stand. I haven’t seen any women condemning that action.
Tell me, should these women be prosecuted for colluding and contriving to send someone to jail?
Far from perfect is one thing. Colluding, conniving and lying are something entirely different! I’m not seeing a whole hell of a lot of condemnation by women for what those women did. Well then it must be okay by those women who don’t condemn the action for women to conduct themselves in such a manner.
Don’t recall perfectly the traumatic event? I’ve had a few in my life and let me tell you, like most people, I remember that painful more than a good number of pleasurable!
As for the civil route, we’ve seen it in an instance of extreme assault, O.J. Simpson. Most think a whole lot of truth didn’t come out in that endeavour.
Tell me, how is it anyone would be happy for a battle after the war had been lost? Maybe because of some Feminist belief they should just be given everything they want because a man was involved?
Tell me, is it any wonder there is a nasty connotation tied to, “Feminist” that both men and some women just abhor? Look it up.
Tell me, who are the creeps? The women for what they did, or the man who we didn’t have to hear from because of their creepy actions?
Try being an equalist, it works best, especially so in a court of law.
G.R. Hambley March 26, 2015
All rights reserved
The photograph you see was a gift to me for me to use as I see fit from a very good friend, a woman in South Africa. My friend took the shot at Robben Island. The photograph is Madiba’s cell. My piece is about injustice and equality so you’re damn right this photograph fits!
A couple other stories for your reading displeasure, I hope.
National Post
Ghomeshi guide for reporting your sexual assault
I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time with this.
Amazon is selling a fiction novel written by Canadian Serial Killer Paul Benardo.
Canada has, “From avails of crime” laws. Good ones. You can rest assured this book came under close scrutiny from Corrections Canada.
Amazon is taking heat for selling that book and from what I know of the process to sell a book on Amazon this is blatantly unfair. It is also just plain wrong and short sighted.
I’d been thinking of doing this little piece before I received the email (below) that I did from change dot org asking me to sign a petition to stop Amazon from selling the book.
I will not be signing that petition!
I will not be buying the book!
What is really scary about that petition is that it was instigated by “NEWSTALK 1010 CFRB Toronto
Canada“. They should know better! They should know why going after Amazon to stop sales is wrong!
There is a News Paper in my feed that in their politcal coverage I consider to be nothing more than propaganda page looking to set public opinion as they see it. I am not giving up that feed because I care to know just what the hell they’re saying.
Amazon, as I understand it allows anyone to publish. Someone who has experience publishing to Amazon by all means jump in!
I happen to believe that the policy if that is indeed the case is terrific.
Like the news paper and that radio station, I want to be able to see and I know others do to, just what is being published and by whom so we all know what thoughts, ideas and beliefs that could harm us are being extolled in print.
G.R. Hambley – all rights reserved
EMAIL RECEIVED ASKING TO SIGN PETITION
Convicted Canadian killer Paul Bernardo has released an eBook, and is selling it online.
The book is called ‘A MAD World Order’ and has been on sale since the end of June.
Paul Bernardo has been convicted of two first-degree murder offenses and two aggravated sexual assault offenses in the mid 1990s.
We believe Amazon and Paul Bernardo should not be allowed to profit in any way from the sale of this book and that the book should be removed from Amazon’s listings.
Read the FULL STORY here.
transitionu 
Recent Comments