Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm
One of the community friendlies stopped to speak with me in a coffee spot. We know each other to smile and nod. The personable “I know you as part of my community” stuff that personable people do.
It was related to me that this individual had their bicycle stolen. Three locks cut right off the bike rack of their car which was in their condo parking spot and stolen.
I was being asked to do something if I saw the bike. I noted that risking a confrontation could lead to violence and it isn’t worth it over a bike.
We talked about policing in Toronto. Naturally enough, this person wasn’t pleased and to a degree, understandable. This person went further with their distaste for the police. I was rebutting with what Toronto’s finest must cope with in violent crime among other things.
The individual went on to tell me they were going to a 50th anniversary party that night.
The party was for an individual who was marking 50 years as a draft dodger.
There were a goodly number of low frequency words used by me to illustrate my disgust. None of the words I used were curses.
The individual brought up the politics and I cut that short with the politics of the Viet Nam war are a different argument and I don’t disagree with the futility geo and political of that police action that became a war.
Dodging the draft is an absolute hot button for me. You are a coward.
There is no argument “for” the dodging the draft and I told the individual so. I explained my reasoning, directly.
There is a level of service in my family. The small piece I have is just a scratch compared to others in my family and the good people who serve and have stood in service to our countries. Yes countries, I have American family who have served.
Along with being draft dodgers, they’re illegals. I have zero tolerance for both. Draft dodgers are also illegal aliens, period end of story. Neither will ever be welcomed by me in my Canada. I’m far from the minority on this one.
It is my position that all illegals should be returned to their country of origin so naturally that includes draft dodgers.
There is a status of “Conscientious Objector”. The “CO” was used by Cassius Clay and you probably know him better as Muhammad Ali. You can if you care to, research what it cost Ali to take the position he did.
My Time as a Vietnam War-era Conscientious Objector
A Conscientious Objector in a War Zone
Muhammad Ali: the world’s ‘greatest’ conscientious objector
The point is that these individuals didn’t turn their backs to their country and run!
I also said to the individual I was speaking with that the person celebrating his 50th anniversary of the dodge is a coward. There were avenues and I fucking grant you that Leavenworth isn’t exactly palatable but…
G.R. Hambley ©
July 09, 2018
This isn’t an “If I can do it you can do it” piece. There is nothing Machiavellian going on here. It goes on elsewhere and I’m working on that too!
So, I’m now a couple months in to my 60’s and it just aint that big of a deal going from my 50’s in to my 60’s.
The greater emotional turmoil was going from my 30’s in to my 40’s. You soon realise on reaching that number, it’s the backside of life. There was an emotionality in that number that just is not present in the number I’ve now reached.
I’ve spoken with a few of my age group and the few I’ve spoken with concur that the 40;s was tougher than the 50’s or 60’s.
We’ve now touched the age factor and I’ve had a walk around so lets move on to the single aspect at my semi advanced age.
It comes down to choices folks. The choices you make for yourself. I said it before and I say it again, if you care to navigate the world from your armchair, so be it. If you want different you can have different with change. Maybe have a walk around and ponder on it. Who knows what you’ll see.
Film is one of my things and for several years I stopped going. I love film and yet I lost all interest in seeing anything new. It became firmly entrenched when “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer” was released, that there is nothing new and the reaching that was getting done to be different
That thought, the emotion, everything has been done hung me up at one time in my own works. Then I had the realization that while everything may have been done, it hasn’t been done my way.
Now when I go to films, I watch them differently. I’m more interested in how others deliver their art and I watch more critically with my artists eye.
I’ve seen several films in recent weeks and went to them all with only me for company. I enjoy my company and I hope you are someone who enjoys the self.
Having someone to talk with about the film, among other things after you’ve seen it over Strawberry Rhubarb pie, and coffee and/or what ever your little hearts desire.
Something to nibble after a film, is nice as we all know, and when it’s an ear, all the nicer. If films aren’t your thing, there’s always “Sippy Hole Racing” you can watch from that coveted armchair or hammock.
Doesn’t matter if film isn’t your thing. Maybe there is something else in your life you can rediscover from a different perspective? A new adventure with an old love.
One of the films I went to see was, “Book Club”. The audience demographic was quite interesting. Mostly female and some there by themselves.
A good time was had by all who attended. Why? Because funny isn’t age or gender specific is why. We older people know more funny shit than younger people do. We’ve had much more time to refine our “Snarkasm”.
Going to a restaurant alone is an issue for any number of single people. It was a minor issue for me too, for a time.
I’ve always done things by myself. Going and doing alone, not an issue that carries much weight with me still and I believe never will.
I think the most difficult part of going to a restaurant alone is in seeing couples or families enjoying their meals and the company they’re sharing even more. I believe that’s when the loneliness hits. Those emotional pangs turn to bites.
The intimate moments most of us love and I’m not talking about sex. Intimacy and sex are different things my fellow animals.
Yeah I know, the back row at the movies makes for nice intimate moments. If you could have your moments coincide with oh say, the crash and bang on the screen…
We would all be appreciative!
The emotionality and physicality hasn’t changed for me one bit now that I’m well over the hill. I can assure you the feeling hasn’t changed for a number of people in my age demographic.
The emotionality doesn’t appear to have changed for any of those that were enjoying “Book Club” by themselves. Out and enjoying the things they like to do, period. I also suggest going and seeing that film. It will appeal to all generations.
The reality of what we are talking about in this piece is the private hell that is your emotional headspace. You gotta be able to stand that space!
Beauchamp Gallery King Street East, Toronto.
Coping with the “I’m going alone” headspace?
I am for the most part, a solitary creature. I enjoy my own company and usually, my own headspace. That previous sentence, there are those that would tell you I’ve just described myself as a loner. A loner who would have no issues going almost anywhere alone. Not liking crowds is not the same as being a loner.
If you’re a creative, then you’ll already know that we require a good deal of solitary time. Even if pen or brush are not in hand, we could be working on something. If that is you then I suggest you ponder on whether you’re getting out enough; at least to blow the dust off.
I also enjoy my community and getting out in it.
I am personable. I’m an observational writer; got any idea how much time I spend looking around? When I meet someone’s eyes, I don’t look away like I’ve been caught looking at something I shouldn’t be, I give a little smile.
Sometimes I notice people looking my way and I smile when they look away quickly. Hey, no one did anything but look around, relax.
There are a couple people who know one of the things I do but unfortunately I don’t have the recognition of a Warhol or Vargas. You can look or trust that I’m a visual artist as well.
I like recognizing the people in my community and that they recognize me.
Even when I’m not seeing anything I’m looking around, non-vacantly. It’s a writer/creative thing.
Getting out and meeting people will require eye contact. If you aren’t comfortable with eye contact I suggest you start with your self, in the mirror, while you tell yourself it’s okay to be and go alone because alone doesn’t mean lonely.
I could ramble around this path until the cows come home. While I’ve been generationally centric in my examples, the feelings are the same for all of us.
Nobody wants to go alone. Many of all ages feel there is a stigma attached to going somewhere other people, couples, families and friends are and there you are alone, embarrassed.
These are feelings you’ll have to find a way to overcome if you want more of the world than what you see on your devices from where ever you’ve decided to park!
This is a good story and worth the read.
Go To The Movies Alone.
http://www.toulouseandtonic.com/go-movies-alone/
I’ve left the hardest part for last, human romantic relationship. Y’all had to know I’d get to it.
With the societal situation we live in today there is a great fear, especially for men that if you approach anyone because they interest you, the approach will be perceived as “harassment”. or possibly “Gold Digging”. We do have to cover all the bases folks and while harassment does happen so does opportunity seeking.
I reiterate, there are only two places and two places only where you meet people, at work and in your activities. Almost everything comes down to two things. Don’t forget your fractions, lowest common denominator.
I know. Trust me I know. With the anger and distrust between the sexes it is difficult to know how to approach anyone.
That brings me back to getting out and doing things you like. There will be other people there like you doing something they enjoy.
If you go to these places with the mindset you’re going there just to enjoy yourself with others who are of a like mind, you’ll (once past the initial jitters) have a good time. Go for yourself and if you meet new friends or someone interesting, lucky you.
If you’re of younger generation and you are thinking about having a family. Your chances of meeting someone at work are not real good. Maybe find symposiums you can go to that are field related.
I actually feel somewhat sorry for the people who live to work (we all know those types) because the chances of meeting someone like you at your place of employment where a hello could get you in in deep sit….. Sitting and listening to HR preach to you on how you must say hello…. Get out and play in traffic where it’s safer for your sanity.
So what is it I want you wonder? This is subject to change but what I want currently is a fulfilling monogamous relationship with autonomous roof.
Like other of my generation and it is a pretty good way to be with relationship so me, I am both looking and not, at many things.
G.R. Hambley ©
July 02, 2018
I get nerve blocker shots every week. This journey in pain management takes place on June 19th.
I’m never in good humour on a shots day. My “snarkasm” level is high. Snarkasn is a couple steps above sarcasm. I’m agitated. I’ve related this adventure to people and a few wonder how I do this all the time, my response (with a look) is how can I not.
I’m making my way over to the docs OFFICE and it occurred to me that I haven’t shown the other side (East side) of the Market. I’m usually on the west side when I’m there, afternoon sun thing. The west side has two levels, so you can be out of the sun if you care to,
As I get to the office one of the good coffee elves was coming the other way. We chat a bit and I wasn’t pleased that the elf didn’t care to change places with me for an hour. The elf was forgiven later in the day.
On checking in, reception tells me they’re running half an hour late. This adds to the already giant pain in the ass that I already have. If I say I have a “PITA”, it is usually a literal “Pain In The Ass” and not figurative.
I don’t even count how many shots I get at each session anymore. It was 10 or 12 shots. It’ll be the same give or take a couple next week, and the next week…
I do the exit blood pressure check set my next couple appointments and leave.
It’s now past 1:00 pm and with the Market being so close, I know where I’m headed for lunch.
I’ve touted the Market and its Fare before. It was always the savoury. On this day I decided lunch was going to be a dessert. I went critical thinking on this when I saw the selections as I was cutting through to get to the upper west side picnic tables.
Eve’s Temptations and these are just a few!
Having availed my self of one of Eve;s baked goods and a fork I headed for the sunshine.
There are a few late lunchers scattered around and plenty f space to be somewhat solitary. A place to relax and enjoy the peace.
Yes this is the city core. Yes there are city noises that are usual and unobtrusive. The burbs and the boons got there sounds too, I’ve never been a fan of that high tension wire whine.
I pick my spot and make myself comfortable with my “Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble” and Ginger Beer.
After that little slice of delicious I pull out my book and start thinking about poetry.
I truly hope as an artist and teacher cursive writing is never lost. My penmanship isn’t anything to write anyone about and I love it.
Writing, especially by hand, involves a lot of not looking at the page. I do not like strike outs in my handwritten pieces. Each line and how it works with the direction of the piece is considered. When I put the line down that’s how it stays.
I had put my pen down and was looking around. Not really seeing and not really missing anything I’m seeing. The art of paying attention and not if you like.
I see one of my community friendlies coming my way and the individual stops when they get to my table. We wind up in a discussion about relationships and examining things from a different perspective. We talked about the emotionality of the matter. The triggers and drivers of behaviour and what may be trying to be accomplished.
It isn’t always easy to step outside yourself when you’ve been wounded. Sometimes we all need to bounce off another person.
I’m pleased to say that my friend went away in a much better frame of mind than when they arrived.
Me, I went back and added the 4th line to what I’m working on before toddling off.
The poetry started in the sunshine and it shall finish in the sunshine.
G.R. Hambley ©
June 25, 2018
This morning as I’m going in to my coffee spot I encountered signs, two of them to be precise. Those two s
signs were an easy jump in to something else I’m working on.
In the moment and I’ve been saying it for a couple decades, Orwell missed by 50 years. Part of my reasoning that Orwell missed by 50 years you can see in my “Jacked In” piece.
It only took Microsoft a shade over 20 years to learn they erred, grievously.
The first one, a sign for the good service elves who take good care of the patrons. All of the patrons and not just the regulars they come to know.
When I first saw the sign I thought to myself , hey their concerns have reached across the 49th parallel. I understand this is more in their dealings with each other than with the customers.
There are only 2 places you meet people and 2 places only. At work and in your activities. That’s it.
Sexual Harassment without question is a problem and it is wrong. Telling people whom they can and can’t express an interest is also without question blatantly wrong. I feel for people who have encountered someone and harbour a genuine interest
The way I see it, if you have a genuine interest you have two options and two options only. You can move and persue a relationship or you can suppress.
The other sign was the tour bus of Ontario’s PC Leader. Not the first time I’ve seen that bus. I haven’t seen the Leaders of the sitting Liberals or of the NDP at all.
Again a government has displayed it’s totalitarian disdain for the people and the people have been cast in to having to vote strategically to remove the blight. Having to vote strategically because of what these fools have brought upon themselves.
All of the parties want the acquiescence of the people. They are all the same.
The best person for my riding may be the Liberal. Sorry Charlie, no vote for you!
This is how I see it going tomorrow.
The PC’s will be given a mandate by the voters. Whether it will be a majority or minority I’m just not certain. If I have to pick one, I say majority.
G.R. Hambley ©
June 06, 2019
All images are my own.
Majik moments, the making there of, not for the feint, of heart
Yes, you can call those moments grand illusion or a fool’s delusion
Por those of us that embrace the alchemy, we know no constraint
One, two, three and sometimes four, creating ripples in your mind
Roving places in space from now to then and to where… now hasn’t been
Take from there, bring to here, leaving trails of discombobulation
Area spatial has consequence not for those of a true heart’s majik
Land of Lilliput awaits those unlucky souls chosen by me
G.R. Hambley ©
May 16,2018
Evolving and adapting ‘tisn’t so for every such thing
Maturation hasn’t taken what is desirously alive
Byways in sunset years, a life long constant smoulders
Eagerly and ambivalently skipping stones in this new old age
Relations and passing ships should they dock or not
Solely isn’t lonely, without young angst, this heart still seeks
G.R. Hambley ©
May 01, 2018
Yesterday at Ye Olde Coffee spot I encountered one of the young women from my piece, “Dear World, Some Of The Kids Are Alright”. Pleasantries, how are you, what’s going on, usual within the community friendly shit.
When I was packing up to leave we talked for a minute and I pointed her to the piece I wrote. She was enthused and from what my stats say, went and read me and thought enough of the piece to pass it along to others.
She’s in exam season and the way I put it is, “these are the playoffs, do the work and get your rest”.
The kid says she’s good and I believe her. She’s practiced, she’s as confidant as she can be. She knows her stuff and yes I did detect a little exam anxiety and it seems from the interlude, her anxiety is in the boundaries of what most people feel.
I also said to her that I think she is probably going to be like me, a life long learner. She thinks so too and that is so good!
The young lady assured me she’s doing just that and not doing all nighters (paraphrasing) because it knocks her off stride.
When I see her next, I’ll thank her and let her know that some of the kids are more than alright.
G.R. Hambley ©
April 09, 2018
The time is March 04, 2018 and in in one of those favoured coffee spots I had a brief conversation with a couple of young women who are students in higher education. They were studying and doing schoolwork. They are articulate, concerned and conduct themselves well. Nice kids.
Yes, some of them kids are alright and other kids are perfect shits. This is about a couple of alright ones. Nothing different in that analysis as compared to my generation at that age.
Everybody was minding their own business and one of the girls lamented a lack of money. Having been a student and knowing what it’s like to be a financially depressed student, I can appreciate their laments.
We talked for a few minutes about school, getting the higher education and getting a job after graduation. These two women are cognizant of the fact that you don’t get big money when you start out. We talked about starting out and the current state of business and what you could well encounter in today’s business climate.
I was interested in hearing what they had to say. We can call that observational writing and professional development with me being both a writer and a teacher.
I did reveal to these 2 young ones of peoplekind* that I am a teacher and when asked by one of them, I copped to my field being English.
One of the young ladies emphatically stated I look like an English Teacher** and the other quickly agreed. As a point of information and I didn’t share it with the young ladies, my official title is, “Curmudgeonly Philosopher Poet”.
I thanked them and noted it must be my pony tail; we laughed.
I did not get in to the rest of my skill set, mostly. Starting out in a trade was spoken of but the Life Coach and Writer were left in the wings.
We talked about what they’re encountering with education. I did not go in to the higher education indoctrination as it wasn’t the place for it. One of the young ladies did state with some frustration and tone of resignation in her expression about the shoving of there being “one way and one way only” at them.
Yeah, I wanted to drop the indoctrination piece on them and didn’t do it. These two are already cognizant and aware.
I did show them the poster for an event promoted by George Brown College where they take the position of anti-trump and do not support him.
These two kids agreed that George Brown had no business interjecting their beliefs on a foreign election.
I would like to say that the frustration is from something other than higher education’s social sciences but I believe I would be wrong to say that and, well unlike the seats of higher learning, I’m never wrong.
We talked about what their generation is facing in the job quest as compared to what my generation encountered when starting out on the after school adult life. The two young women figured my generation had it tougher than theirs does starting out.
I believe their generation has a more difficult time than mine did and we talked about why from both our perspectives.
This would be a good time to identify the conversationalists. We have me, a Caucasian male who’ll be 60 in a few weeks. One young woman, whom if you were going to categorize based on her features and complexion, you would probably say Middle Eastern. The 2nd young woman, based on features, East Indian.
All of us with an above average vocabulary and the ability to convey our thoughts.
Whether they are first gen Canadian or not is irrelevant. What is relevant are the concerns and values.
Everyone the age of these women, male and female alike consider themselves to be so grown up. These 2 from my brief experience are on the right path but they are still kids. No, no I didn’t use the “Well you’re a kid and….” approach. That condescending and dismissive behaviour pissed me off when I was their age so why would I lay that trip on them?
At their age I was an apprentice and the 3 of us talked about the trades. Both of them related the “Stigma” of the trades. Both spoke on how (paraphrasing) the trades are manual labour and seen as being beneath so many other jobs.
I told them it was a trade I started in and yes, the trades are demanding and dirty. We touched a little on the fact that you can’t be stupid and be a good tradesman.
I can move my mouth, my hands and my mind on different things all at the same time.
The women agreed there just aren’t many who are working and or looking to be employed in the “White Collar Sector” can do what I and other tradesmen learned how to do.
I’m not going to have the pronoun gender debate either. If you make it you’re a mechanic or journeyman or as in my case, a Smithy.
Does the expression, “Less chatter more clatter” mean anything to anyone reading this tale? If yes, were you on the receiving or delivery end?
I asked the young ladies what they figured a union mechanic in my trade makes an hour. They missed it on the low side by about 50%.
Lets use the person who cuts, styles, blows your hair. This is a trade and if you’ve never thought about it, that person is most probably talking to you about something that isn’t hair related while they work on you. If their hands aren’t moving and their mouth is, that person needs to stop talking and just do the work. I chose a hair care because of the interaction that usually takes place between the parties in that industry.
We talked about starting out and the different dynamics for them now and for me then.
When I started out there was still quite a bit of “Find that one secure company”, get a job and put in your 40 years. A couple people I went to High school with went on to work for “Bell Canada”, the phone company.
The one company until you’re done days are long gone and I don’t see them coming back. These days if you spend more than about 10 years with any company your personal motivation is questioned.
Me and the kids talked about some of the factors that affect how business gets done these days and the conversation went to outsourcing which led in to taking care of your own first.
We agreed that there is far too much outsourcing.
For these kids, and they know it, working in the industry where their degree is may not happen. When I came out of my last session of trade school, those that went on to colleges and universities were finishing up their studies and looking to join the work force.
I’m certain some Free Range Globalist will object to what I relate now because it smacks of “POPULISM”. GASP!
Canadian values have been in and out of the social media spotlight.
Me and the women talked about values and they feel like I feel. You take care of your own first and then if you have extra, you can help others.
We have issues and infrastructures that must take precedent. Canadians without clean water and adequate housing take precedent over others in other countries.
People like to say charity starts at home. Taking care of our issues and matters is not charity and it is the correct thing to do.
Most Canadians feel this way. The number is probably right around 66%.
Them kids and me, we also agreed that the people must be more diligent with removing the old bad politicians for new good ones.
Canadian values are fine and being relayed to the kids. I was lucky enough to encounter a couple of good ones.
G.R. Hambley ©
March 20, 2018
*PEOPLEKIND
This is what we call a joke. Should someone care to pass it along to Canada’s Prime Minister, “Gerald Butts” and the Clown Prince, “Justin Trudeau”, please do.
** “Ray Barnes of the purple granny glasses, my grade 9 English Teacher would be so proud.
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