Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm
Lyric
Once in a time
that was better than anything in your mind
Not so strange
in a world where love’s made such a change
Removed from solitaire
in the so many ways she makes me dare
One so brave
shines so bright over one that was so naive
So it’s you, had to be someone with so much of you
Yeah it’s you, been looking everywhere for you
A small hunch
there’s one but it could be just far too much
So it begins
the first of all those suddenly heavenly things
Within my reach
can almost taste those lips when you speak
Learning to hear
can’t stop leaning closer with that kiss so near
So it’s you, had to be someone with so much of you
Yeah it’s you, been looking everywhere for you
Fire rises high
got to trust the sound of your gentle sighs
Hold on heart
sweet need in that kiss sealing we’ll never part
Feels so right
how’d I never know it was you before tonight
So I dared
lost to found you’re the angel who’s always cared
So it’s you, had to be someone with so much of you
Yeah it’s you, been looking everywhere for you
G.R. Hambley ©
April 24, 2016
It has been an absolutely shitty year for death in the music industry and it’s just mid March.
The latest, a couple days ago was Keith Emerson of ELP. Yeah sure, you can call them Emerson, Lake and Palmer if you like but not many people I know do.
I’m not going to get in to naming names as I’d surely miss a couple and someone would take great delight in telling me about it. I’m not going to get in to the contributions to the art of those that have passed either.
To all those that went away, they mattered to each and every one of us in our own way. That is enough for us and I believe knowing they touched us is enough for them too.
The icons we grew with that have been such an important part of our lives all the way along the path of life and now in to the backside of our own lives are falling. We miss them and we remember the pieces of ourselves and our lives that they were part of. No, they didn’t for the most part know first personal of each of us but they damn well knew what they meant to us.
Keith Emerson’s passing has a far different feel for us because it was suicide. The range of emotions is greater and rawer within us when death is self inflicted. The things people say are rawer when death is brought on by our own hand.
Some say heartless and hurtful statements. I disagree to a point. The point is there are those who look to be hurtful and thankfully the hurtful ones are few.
So very many that make what others call heartless and hurtful are in reality expressing how they feel suffering their own loss. I can see the statements as thoughtless but not heartless. I can see those hurtful statements as striking back because what you did hurt me.
What I’ve heard and read about Keith Emerson’s physical being, degenerative arthritis where he’d already lost the use of 2 fingers and for certain was going to lose the use of all his fingers. Could he have written? I’m sure he could have written. I’m just as sure no one would be able to play just from the written music the way Emerson heard it.
I and many know about chronic pain and degenerative. I know the pain and anguish. I know how useless I’d feel were I not able to write. I can understand completely being able to do something oh so very well and then not being able to do it anymore. I don’t think I could bear to lose the word my way.
A few comments I’d seen on the suicide said, “Selfish”.
I said this;
His life, like anyone else, to do with as they choose. You don’t get a vote. The emotionalism attached to any pain is 100% real.
A damn tragedy yes. Could it have been prevented? No one will ever know and have to believe because he didn’t reach out, no. No more than the breaking down of his body. I think he’d reached the point where he wasn’t asking himself why and was asking why not.
Why and why not? Many and I am one of them will tell you, when you find yourself asking yourself why take your own life you have a problem. When you stop asking “why” and start asking yourself, “why not” you are in much deeper trouble. I hope if you ever find yourself in that, “why not” place you find it somewhere within yourself to reach out for help.
I use a music service and have a few playlists. One of those playlists I named, “Soulful” and ELP’s “Lucky Man” is the first tune in the list. It is both tragedy and irony that Keith Emerson’s went as he did. The end of life mimicking his own art. A bullet found Keith Emerson well before the bullet from the gun did, “no money could save him, so he laid down and he died”.
G.R. Hambley ©
March 14, 2016
Celebrating the unhappy anniversary number of twenty and seven. I generally do a bells check at the anniversary date. By bells I mean the state of me physically and emotionally. There are other bells and the last time I checked they were all still where they belong.
Been doing this self assessment for a number of years at the anniversary date because it helps me take an honest look at the changes in me over the last year.
For those of you new to me, I have presented in the past that it was an MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident), March 5th, 1989 that my life changed in an instant. That I was rear ended is about all you need to know here.
The anniversary refers more to the aftermath than the accident itself. I am now 27 years without a pain free day. I was thinking about being pain free and I simply cannot remember anymore what that it was like to be without pain. For me, like many others, pain is normal, pain is usual, pain is a constant. Hell, I don’t even wonder anymore what it would be like to be, at least on occasion, pain free. I imagine it is just the same for other chronic pain sufferers that have endured the very long haul.
The last year had a drug change for me. The change in consultation with my Doctor has me taking something beyond acetaminophen. Been taking the drug for about 6 months now and this thing has its merits and its pitfalls. The drug is Gabapentin which was designed for epileptics to block signals from the brain to nerves. The drug is also used by those including me that do not suffer from epilepsy.
The drug doesn’t do a whole hell of a lot for the Osteoarthritis. What points the drug hit certainly give much appreciated relief. A few years back I was receiving nerve blocker shots once a week. Duration of the effect was about 2 ½ days and there were so many spots to hit all areas couldn’t be hit. Only so much of the solution you could have in a week. The day of getting the shots was rough, just wanted to get home and lie down for 2 or 3 hours after the procedure.
The capsules daily, for me, a far better management mechanism!
I’ve stated previously my reasoning on why I didn’t take much of anything for pain. For me it is all about the cognitive. If I don’t have the cognitive functionality I am going to be one very unhappy individual! Using Gabapentin I remain cognitively fine. The side effect of some physical wobbles isn’t so bad. Especially not bad if you bump in to someone soft and not a wall!
This “El Nino” winter has been more challenging than last year when it was a frigid one. I went so far last year as to name the 2nd month of the year, “FrickUary”. I’m also S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) so by this time of the winter I’ve had more than enough of it for several people! The only thing that really works for me is natural light, sunshine. Even in January and February, if it’s cold and sunny I’m generally not bad. I do take vitamin and mineral supplements as worked out with my Doctor.
This year it has been very warm, very damp and with very little sunshine. I’ve felt it big time. The winter blues magnified greatly. I was more output visibly productive writing last year in “FrickUary” than I was this year in February. I have a few things on the go including a major poetic work.
Visible output, I have a standard that I set for myself. I only compete with myself and that is big enough task for anyone. Competing with yourself, challenging yourself. I’ve done that big time in the last year by finally getting lyric poetry down and down real well. “Baby Be Mine” was the last one I wrote and I’m especially fond of “From The Stars” for the lyric and the photograph of mine.
I’ve had to pay closer attention and examine myself as the drug masks sensation. There has been more noticeable deterioration this year. I do fidget more and believe in some way the fidgeting is a benefit from having some degree of pain relief. I think better when I move so this is very good! Seeing me writing is a strange sight indeed to those who don’t know me.
The book that is still in progress on my experience with chronic pain, my narrative writing has become better in the last year. I’ve been in and out of that endeavour some. Don’t know if I should have been on that book more or not. I’m going to go with the chronic pain book is in the exact spot it is supposed to be in at this point in time.
I added a second blog spot in the past year. That blog spot, SPASM Canada is where I can exorcise my intelligent donkey more freely. My idea of the separation of church and state if you like.
I’ve had a few blessings this year and one very special one in particular that has been a wonderful help creatively and personally a good friend.
Dealing with pain, any pain, is never easy. Physical pain plays on us emotionally as well. We all have to find our own way to cope and hopefully we don’t get lost in the journey.
I know I’ll continue along the path a little slower and with no less resolve. I’ll have another update for you next year on this date.
Take care of you and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
G.R. Hambley
March 05, 2016
PS … An intelligent donkey is a smart ass and I’m a good one!
December 21, 2015 and it is an absolutely pissy day here in Toronto. It is rainy and not that cold. Cold you can dress for. You cannot dress for the damp.
While the temperatures have been what most consider, great for this time of year, not so much for me. Sure I appreciate not having to wear as much clothing and that includes not having to have needed the long underwear yet. The damp that accompanies the warmer temps means grey skies and less of the sunlight I need. Vitamin supplements can only do so much for the mindset. I need the natural.
So here we are a few days before Christmas and I am not a happy camper! I’m hearing of an expected double digit temp on the day. That’ll be nice even though it means no White Christmas for those that love snow for Christmas Day. Once upon a time in a lifetime far away I was one of those people.
Coping skills, coping skills, coping skills, through the muttering and discomfort I know what the things ae that are making me feel the way I do. Knowing what it is, is half the battle. The other half of the battle is taking care of you yourself. The depression and pain are real. It sucks and I know what is causing the pain and depression so I am better able to cope.
I know this is true for all of us. We who are chronic learn how to cope with our maladies. We all cope in the way we choose for ourselves. I hope you dear reader got that, “we all cope in the way we choose for ourselves”. We all have to own the way we choose too.
I’ve been reading a lot and writing a little. The wrapping my head around the writing this time around has been more difficult. I’m feeling the pain from Osteoarthritis more than I have in the past. Me and my doctor got a handle on it. Seeing and being straight with your doctor is part of the coping mechanism. I know it can be difficult to talk to your doctor when the pain isn’t something you can see and that others might see as a head problem. I suggest you just go see you doctor or other professional for yourself because it really is all about you and if you make you happy, well you know how the rest of that goes.
I hear poetry calling so I’m going to indulge my creative mind and put my painful mind in another compartment for a while. I’ll see if I can get a blank page to cooperate.
To y’all, all the best and remember, tomorrow the days get longer!
G.R. Hambley ©
December 21, 2015
It’s about taking time to take time
There just hasn’t been much at all
Call comes in on the telephone line
Answering for you, no not this night
Maybe no answer for you at all
Easier this way it seems to me to be
Far easier to just be this way in every way
Ringing goes on and off all night
Not seeing you, not feeling you,
Can’t you see it, can’t you feel it,
Strange I’m just not missing you
One more day with no great scenes
Moving on to being my own soul driver
It had to be so why can’t you just agree
Make someone else over in your way
Passing on going down with no return
And you know I tried to be that guy
Couldn’t keep me and stay that way so
Time has come to say our last goodbye
Not ever gonna see you, not ever gonna feel you,
You’re gonna see it, you’re gonna believe it,
See how it is when I’m just not missing you
G.R. Hambley ©
August 11, 2015
When I get angry or upset I yell at a page. Writing is one of the coping mechanisms that helps me keep my mind off my chronic pain and in this moment what had angered me. For me writing is both Catalyst and Catharsis. Not to mention being a highly constructive way to deal and cope with the angst. For me it sure beats having an outburst or withdrawal of some sort.
I wrote the poetry below in about 45 minutes and it is an acrostic. I was composing the piece in my head as I made my way from the pharmacy I use to a coffee spot.
I have been dealing with chronic pain for over 26 years. I’ve been fighting with another physical shift for about 6 months. They happen every few years. These shifts in physical being are not going to stop. Coping with these shifts is never easy. Some of the shifts have been easier than others. This one has been the worst. Age, some stress and the after effects of a pretty harsh winter temperature wise that I just haven’t come back as well as I’d of liked.
Knowing when to get medical help with the situation doesn’t have a definitive “you can wait” or “you need to go now” switch. You have to feel your way through it and I will admit I’m not the best at going on time, in time. I tend to stretch it out thinking I shall find a way to overcome without help. I’m getting better at going for help sooner rather than later but me thinks I’ll always be the sort to push beyond the flap of the envelope to my own detriment at times.
Breaking in a new Doctor too. Fun Wow!
When I post an item that has coping skills, Life Coach Tips, etc., in the piece it is about me and what I have found that works for me. You have to find your way to cope and you don’t have to do it alone unless of course that is your choice.
I hope those that read me can find something for themselves in what I’ve written that they can use. If not, that’s okay too.
Slippery up slope, sliding on the flats, surfing on the downs
Hard climb to reach the threshold of rest and repeat
Infinite change where only the variables remain constant
Frustration fixation, moody blues and not the good kind
Take one, take two, take this damnation for an other’s cup of poison
It shall not be allowed for a moments respite or throughout what remains
No surprises, no up rises, no monsters creeping will be left to live
Game face on, for those conquering chronic change, it never comes off
G.R. Hambley ©
July 11,2015
Deliciously infectious, inflection of an irreverent ones glad madness
Each word heard becomes chaotic, time space for invitational thought
Voyage of, for, those that were damned to the logic of rational rationale
Overtly stepping up, wilfully taking in, fuelling fluctuating mind space
Urgency harmonizes with desire, the need, the ache to rid this anxiousness
Travellers from afar seeking answer, questions others had not sought
Lovingly everlasting, resolve tempers to resolute, babe in new age revival
Yes there’s a heavy price exacted to live outwardly in this chosen place
Wanton wind fills tattered sail, spine stiffens under torment’s strain
As breezes blew, only answer no, prayers to the power of the wilfully free
Running from in reality a running to, no more can the mind pretend
Practices in poetry recount where the dead living had been pure pain
Everything comes clearly, waves of calm spread oil of languor over misery
Destiny’s divine hell, the wow that only those chosen comprehend
G.R. Hambley ©
June 29, 2015
The photopoem may be used as an inspirational desktop if you so desire. No other use permitted without my consent.
Long before there was sin
Way out where the souls begin
Came a song in a whisper
Voices together all soft and sure
Stars would gather from far and near
Had to come close so they could hear
None would miss the choirs call
All knew they wouldn’t ever fall
The music starting slow, singing welcoming all back home
Tune gently filling soul, chords and harmonies form
The heavenly voices surround
Glorious feelings abound
Told there will be new healing
Going to be part of a new being
Spread out on the solar wind
Take heart to where you’ll begin
None will be left to chance
Each and every one to the dance
The music continuing to swell, singing rising like fresh sea foam
Tune spreading like water from the well, colour of new chrome
Among the stars so much dismay
Could they ever make their way away
So many struck cold and in pain
Feeling lost as if being sent in shame
The distant halo comes to view
Beautiful will come from you
As you will always be mine
Where you are will be divine
The music reaching peak, mystic reasoning explains need
Tune in perfect pitch speaks, time my stars to fly to seed
G.R. Hambley ©
June 09, 2015
Click to view full size
Prance and dance, make pretend romance
There’s one here, one there, two more from elsewhere
Diddling and piddling from Portland to Portland
Beneath the guise of an unending malaise
Nothing and no one stops the fools drool
Knells hell’s only feed the rabid search
Parading through the maize, spreading disease
The ritual of the ride, followed with yapping good riddance
Insecticide rejecticide, fleeting thoughts of suicide
Nave, idol worshipping among the naive
The catch twenty-two, discovery of the truth
Now the evisceration after necessary neutering
G.R. Hambley ©
May 24, 2015
Of the same ilk, Contemn
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