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Life Coaching, Observations, Reflections, Things that make you go hmmmmm

Tag Archives: Humour

3 Bears – A Truth

3 Bears – A Truth

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CTB baby bear tigger free badge finiSZG.R. Hambley June 2015

 

Five And Only Five

Five And Only Five

Five Paragraphs

I haven’t been feeling my usual unusual self for a couple weeks. Goes that way and I manage to cope just fine. The physical issues started acting up and there is a new level to come to terms with. An accompanying stress issue is exacerbating the problem.

I’ve managed to keep the presence fresh because I have well stalked vaults at both WordPress and Linkedin. Call it whatever you like. Making hay while the sun shines, going Boy Scout by being prepared. I got goodies at the ready.

I have pieces in progress, coaching awareness pieces as well as a couple poems and a couple that are being written as lyrics. I found a comfort with rhyme scheme that I didn’t use to have and am now finding myself having to make conscience act to not use rhyme scheme in my writing.

Coping Skills is what it really is. Knowing what you can expect to rear its ugly head and take a bite out of your usual and normal way of functioning. We all have those days no matter our age or physical condition.

I’ve stated previously I just don’t buy in to the 110% mentality. All the things I have in reserve are in place because on those days where my 100% was more than the norm, I did more.

Five Sections For The Mythical Stranding

For some reason I found myself as I was heading for coffee the other morning thinking about those things you’d take if you were to be stranded on an island. Gotta stimulate the mind on that island so you don’t go crazier than an outhouse rodent.

Yup, it is a strange and beautiful mind I have.

Five Things You Can’t Take
GPS/Satellite Phone
Majik Folk
Your momma
Your Pet
Your B.A. – BAD ATTITUDE

Five Albums (no greatest hits or compilations)
Bruce Springsteen – Greetings From Asbury Park
Bob Dylan – Street Legal
Alan Parsons Project –Tales Of Mystery And Imagination
Crosby Still Nash & Young – Déjà Vu
Carole King – Tapestry

Five Books (trilogy style is allowed)
Richard Bach – Illusions
Stephen King – The Stand
Farley Mowat – The Boat That Wouldn’t Float
Sun Tzu – The Art Of War
John Donne – Anything that his a vast amount of Donne’s writing in between its covers

Five Films
To Kill A Mockingbird
Gladiator
Harvey
Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Wizards (Bakshi Animation)

Five Items
KnifeCrocodile Dundee style, “Now that’s a knife!”
Magnifying Glass
CD/DVD Player Solar Powered with built in speakers
Fish Hook
Sewing Kit

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I would be delighted if you desire to leave your thoughts on what you’d take and why. If you brought your “B.A.”, kindly take it with you when you leave.  😉

GPS “N”, new technology

New GPS “N” Technology Announced

GPS “N” Canada LLC announced today that their new device has been thoroughly tested and is ready for release to the public. GPS “N”, with the ”N” representing Nachos . This device will lead hungry consumers in all 10 provinces and 3 territories to their favourite Nacho locations.

GPS Nacho 01

The device is programmable to allow for coast to coast trips without once ever having to stop at the place with the Arches. The device can route your trip so you don’t even ever have to pass an Arches location. Early reports show that parents are ecstatic with this option.

GPS Nacho 02

GPS “N” Canada C.E.O. Hal Payneyo stated that future models of the device will have breathalyser functionality. The device will auto enable at 2:00 am local time. The full details of operation are to be worked out but the aim is to prevent those under the influence from being able to find nachos and to just stay home or have the delectable delivered.

The GPS “N” C.E.O. did express regret the device would not be available to our friends and neighbours in the U.S. of A. Mr. Payneyo stated that importing such a device in to America had been vetoed by President McChucky with absolutely no explanation given. Mr Payneyo sincerely wished that a certain small fire incident would someday finally be gotten over by our friends below the 49th parallel and we could have a true free trade relationship.

In related news, The “GPS (get poutine sooner) Coalition” has set up pickets and has demanded the device be reconfigured to include Canada’s favourite heart attack in a box treat. Leaders of the Coalition have threatened to escalate the matter with the use of force if the demand is not met.

  

This reporter was unable to learn from the leaders of the “Get Poutine Sooner Coalition” if they were referring to a large Pacific fish or a hockey stick. This reporter was also unable to determine where the GPS Coalition planned to put those Cohos or KOHOs.

G.R. Hambley – June 15, 2015
All rights reserved

Poutine – s.yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/GB64BqgSBx_Srqakchjn3A–/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NzY4O3E9OTU7dz0xMDI0/http://canadacheeseman.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/poutine.jpg

Mario Koho – ebay.com/itm/MARIO-LEMIEUX-PITTSBURGH-PENGUINS-SIGNED-KOHO-REVOLUTION-HOCKEY-STICK-JSA-NICE-/151438602375?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item234271b087

Coho Salmon – yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/k8jYJSV55sN56jevoBs3.Q–/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NzE1O3E9OTU7dz0xNDIz/http://www.fda.gov/ucm/groups/fdagov-public/documents/image/UCM059828.jpg

Random Angel Musings #1

Random Angel Musings #1

I went out and had a run through some of the online tests. I made some interesting discoveries and I thought I’d share them. We should all share our knowledge and in doing so show others that we are sentient feeling creatures.

We all need a little enlightenment and some fun. You can find some of each in these little tests. Especially so if you save off your results and then take a little time to break the returns down.

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I did “what is your spiritual gift” test. They say I’m a lighthouse. Gee, ya think? The poetry is in acrostic so it reads down as well as across. First letter of each line.
Vision Quest

Your Spiritual Gift

You have the gift of wisdom! You’ve always felt a bit like an old soul and a bit out of place with those your own age (Being older than dirt, there is no one my own age). You’re often dismayed with what you see happening in the world, and at times you feel a deep nostalgia for a world that you can’t really remember (I only had a semi misspent youth, I remember just fine). Let’s face it, you’re just on a higher level than rest of us (yesm I am): you have the gift of wisdom (yesm I do)! You’ve learned all the lessons before and you’re here this time around to share your deepest insights with us (This is true and if people would just kindly get with the program!). Your gift is like a lighthouse on a dark, stormy night. Use your gift to enlighten those around you, because we all know how much we need it (no, you all don’t)!

And in the “Ruh Roh Raggy” (my best Scooby Doo impression) category, I took the “who is your guardian angel” test.

My Guardian Angel…

You got Lucifer! Now don’t take this as an insult. You have a rebel personality and you are independent. You prefer to fight with your fists. You always stick to your beliefs. You are not that close with your family.

In some ways I’m very pleased Lucifer is my guardian angel. My angel was the Head of the Ministry Of Music in Heaven before his fall from grace. Where would be without that Godless Rock & Roll? I don’t even wanna know!

Lucifer is also an Archangel and The Bringer of Light. Those are a couple things I’m very fond of and have personal experience with.

If you take the test and somehow the test returns “Beary”. Do the test again because I know with all my wisdom it just aint so as “Beary” is spoken for and is also an Archangel.

http://www.playbuzz.com/natalia10/who-is-your-guardian-angel

What Kind Of Angel Are You

As a Loving Angel, you hold everyone and everything close to your heart (maybe). You make and keep friends easily, and care deeply about every one of them (busted). You go out of your way to help the community in any way you can, and often take your loyal, loving family along with you.

DUALITY or what!
You just flippin’ said I’m not close to my family!

http://www.playbuzz.com/gwendolynm11/what-kind-of-angel-are-you

What Kind Of Mythological Wings Do You Have

You have Seraph Wings! Since you hold the 6 wings (not just two!) of this magical creature, you suggest a wide support system of watchfulness and security. You feel as if your main responsibility is to enlighten others (well it needs done and someone has to do it) with your vast knowledge of preferred interest, teaching them new things and proving we always have more to explore or uncover (Sometimes there are things we have to cover over too. Best you don’t know.) in the mystery of life. You motivate and inspire not just other people but yourself as well, to do the best they can in a quest for a spiritual lifestyle. You also hold the highest level of authority (you were previously told now you’re warned, get with the program) in this realm of enlightenment, making you the go-to-person for advice and wisdom, with true concern and care for the outcome of others endeavours.

I tell you with “Veracity”, I am not adding to the art work! Those other four wings were supposed to be a secret and I am not pleased with the public disclosure!

http://www.playbuzz.com/stephanies15/what-kind-of-wings-do-you-have

Synopsis

aka, the “Temet Nosce” know thyself.

So, I got Seraph Wings, that’s 6 of them but I’m not that certain. They say I’m a loving angel yet Lucifer is my guardian angel.

I have described myself in all honesty as sublime dream and malevolent nightmare. I have also stated I am Bear and Teddy Bear. I know, understand and use the light and the night. I much prefer the light side.

With all my wisdom I tell you the bottom line is this. I am someone you want on your side. but if you mess with me, you are so screwed, but lovingly!

Should you require enlightenment or an alibi (see above, covering things up) from me, the only acceptable payment, giant size chocolate chunk cookies!

Now if you’ll excuse me, one of those theme songs we all need is making my wings twitch while my heels and toes keep time.
Foo Fighters, Learn To Fly

G.R. Hambley – June 07, 2015
all crazy rights reserved (you can have the sane ones … maybe)

Surfing Lake Ontario In February

Surfing Lake Ontario In February

G.R. Hambley ©

Surf Forest Surf

shot from my balcony
it is snowing not grain

click on the image for larger

Surfing-Compilation-feb022011

G.R. Hambley ©

Teddy Bear Quotations

Teddy Bear Quotations

Start with a couple of my own.
The only ones I have expectations of are myself and my Teddy Bear.
G.R. Hambley

There are some that can’t look at Teddy Bears.
There are some that Teddy Bears won’t look at.
Both have good reason.

G.R. Hambley

My persona online and off for a long time has been and is Cool Teddy Bear and Bear. That most wonderful thing about Tigger also applies to the Cool Teddy Bear, I’m the only one. That sort of makes me my own Teddy Bear. Not a bad thing.

The Little Bear, CTB, has gone through a few evolutions. Hung on the cover of the book I wrote to begin with. Then turned in a different art that I hung (not showing you my tattoo) on my body. That is correct, a tattoo. What you see here is the finished. Yes I use him with different things he’s eaten or encountered as art and poignant pieces. But, this is it, as he sits on my desktop without the dialogue bubble and he is keeping schtum.

Teddy Bears, you can tell them anything and they don’t talk. Bears, not so much.

I do wonder what kind of mind it takes to think that waking up a Bear is a good thing to do. That whole let sleeping dogs lie thing applies exponentially don’tcha know!

First Dear Reader, the art, and then a collection of Teddy Bear quotations I’ve collected.

As he appears on the cover of the book I wrote

Cover01

As he appears now with some titches for public display

CTB Quotes Page FiniSZ

An older selfie (before selfies were even known) of your resident Bear

selfport

And now all those great teddy bear quotes!

“It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a Teddy bear – which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted.”
– Joseph Lempa

“The world is divided into two nations: those with Teddy bears, those without. Each thinks the other is odd.”
– Jenny De Vries

“There’s just something about a Teddy bear that’s impossible to explain. When you hold one in your arms, you get a feeling of love, comfort and security. It’s almost supernatural.”
– James Ownby

“My Teddy was there when I had no friends to play with, no one to talk to, no one to share my little woes or my big joys. He looked constant and was constant. He never aged, no matter how tattered he became. His smell was the smell of my years as a boy, and he alone knew everything. Now, when I see him on the shelf, he is like my flesh and my soul – older, worn, but still full of happiness.”
– Robert Kunciov

“Long before I grew up, my Teddy bear taught me what love really meant: being there when you’re needed.”
– Jim Nelson

“A Teddy bear’s virtue is that he cannot love himself… only others.”
– Ted Menten

“A bear knows all your secrets – and keeps them.”
– Rosanne Brown

“A bedroom without a Teddy is like a face without a smile.”
– Gil Davies

“A Teddy bear does not depend upon mechanics to give him the semblance of life. He is loved – and therefore he lives.”
– Pat Brown

“You really don’t have to be young to find a friend in a Teddy bear.”
– Rachel Newman

“Anyone who has looked a Teddy bear in the face will recognize the friendly twinkle in his knowing look.”
– Harold Nadolny

“Whoever said “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend” would retract that statement after seeing the sparkle in a Teddy’s eyes.”
– Lana T. Zeis

“A bear grows more alive with age. No one with an ounce of sensitivity could ever consign a bear to the dustbin.”
– Johnnie Hague

“There’s no bear like an old bear.”
– Samantha Armstrong

“Bears are just about the only toy that can lose just about everything and still maintain their dignity and worth.”
– Samantha Armstrong

“A Teddy bear is your childhood wrapped up in faded yellow fur, and as such, he commands affection long after he is outgrown.”
– Pat Brown

“All bears merit a dignified old age.”
– Peter Gray

“Once a bear has been loved by a human being, its expression is forever marked.”
– Jama Kim Rattigan

“Now that I’m all grown up, I can buy any old Teddy bear I want – except the old Teddy bear I want.”
– William Sternman

“One never quite gets over a lost bear.”
– Jane Swan

Shakespeare pre-dated the Teddy bear, but he captured the companionship and bond we share with our bears when he wrote:
“He was my friend, faithful, and just to me….”
– William Shakespeare

“Bears need people. People need bears.”
-Pam Brown

“In a world where everyone seems to be larger and louder than yourself, it is very comforting to have a small, quiet companion.”
-Peter Gray

“Age simply doesn’t enter into it! The older the friend, the more he is valued, particularly when he shows so visibly the characteristics that we all look for in friends. You have only to look at a genuine teddy’s face to see at once the loyalty, common sense, and above all, dependability behind it.”
-Peter Bull

“A bear teaches us that if the heart is true, it doesn’t matter much if an ear drops off.”
-Helen Exley

“Everything in life I share, except of course my teddy bear!”
-Unknown

“It is most offensive to the kindly bears who’ve adopted us when we thoughtlessly blurt out some comment about “real” bears, or “alive” bears, as if our very real and lively bear friends weren’t.”
-Alla Bozarth-Campbell

“Love me Love my Teddy Bear.”
-Samantha Armstrong

“In a world gone bad, a bear – even a bear standing on its head – is a comforting, uncomplicated, dependable hunk of sanity.”
-Pam Brown

“Anyone who has looked a teddy bear in the face will recognize the friendly twinkle in his knowing look.”
-Harold Nadolny

“Baths may be lovely for people – adult people that is, but bears are not that keen. When did you last see or hear of a bear taking a bath, willingly?”
-Ted Menton

“There is probably nothing that a bear so dislikes as a good wash.”
-Marion C. Garretty

“There are few sadder sights than a wet bear hanging from a clothesline by its ears. Its says a lot for them that they never complain.”
-Pam Brown

“Remember when I said Teddy can’t sleep without me? Well, truth is, I can’t sleep without Teddy.”
-Webster Papadopolis

“Wake in the deepest dark of night and hear the driving rain. Reach out a hand and take a paw and go to sleep again.”
-Charlotte Gray

“Bears sleep by day. At night they stay awake to chase away bad dreams.”
-Jesse O’Neil

“A teddy bear does not depend upon mechanics to give him the semblance of life. He is loved – and therefore he lives.”
-Pam Brown

“It’s hard to visualize the toys you had fifty years ago – all save bear. He’s as clear as if he were sitting on the desk in front of you…of course…he probably is.”
-Pam Brown

“Once a bear has been loved by a human being, its expression is forever marked.”
-Jama Kim Rattigan

“A bear remains a bear – even when most of him has fallen off or worn away.”
– Charlotte Gray

“One never quite gets over a lost bear.”
-Jane Swan

“Bears being sent through the mail should never be squashed up to make them fit. It gives them indigestion.”
-Pam Brown

“It’s pleasant for a bear to come home to the warmth of a fire, take a dollop of honey, talk to a friend, read the Daily Bear News, and finally creep under the quilt and sleep soundly all night.”
-Barbara Werkmaster.

“You really don’t have to be young to find a friend in a teddy bear.”
-Rachel Newman

“Teddy bears like to go on morning picnics in the summertime, so they can enjoy the sunshine before it it too hot for their furry selves.”
-Abigail Darling

“A teddy bear is your childhood wrapped up in faded yellow fur, and as such, he commands affection long after he is out grown.”
Pam Brown

“Bears are just about the only toy that can lose just about everything and still maintain their dignity and worth.”
-Samantha Armstrong

“There’s no bear like an old bear.”
-Samantha Armstrong

“A bear grows more alive with age. No one with one ounce of sensitivity could ever consign a bear to the dustbin.”
-Johnnie Hague

“When everyone else has let you down, there’s always Ted.”
-Clara Ortega

“To a child, Teddy is a bridge between a human and an animal. He doesn’t mind being dressed in ridiculous hats, or even being read to. You can blame him for anything, and he won’t deny it. His marvellous face expresses anything a child wants to feel or hear.”
-Peter Bull

“Now that I’m all grown up, I can buy any old Teddy Bear I want – except the old Teddy Bear I want.”
-William Sternman

“At sales every other toy looks simply worn, dilapidated, grubby. A bear looks lost and abandoned and desperately in need of a loving home.”
-Helen Thomson

“Teddy bears don’t need hearts as they are already stuffed with love.”
-Unknown

“How many children, do you suppose, have carried a lifelong resentment of parents responsible for the surreptitious removal of their Teddy Bears?”
-John Ziff

“There’s just something about a Teddy Bear that’s impossible to explain. When you hold one in your arms, you get a feeling of love, comfort and security. It’s almost supernatural.”
-James Ownby

“An experienced Teddy Bear brings with him a lifetime of knowledge and experience; the wisdom of silence and the stillness in moments of great turmoil. The long-suffering patience that is learned when belonging to a child who is coming of age, and coping with the bewilderment that this period of time can bring, is what he does best. The experienced bear has seen life through the heart and eyes of a child grown to adulthood and perhaps even accompanied that adult all the way to the end of the road.”
-Ted Menton

Masturbation … And In Public Too!

Masturbation … And In Public Too!

Months back I made this statement, “If you can’t use the words, all the words, how are you going to teach your children, how are you going to keep them safe”.

Yesterday as I was scrolling down on FB there was an article posted by IFLScience, I F…… Love Science.

The article was on Masturbation. There was a Wiki link to “National Masturbation Day”. Hell that was news to me. Didn’t know there was a special day for masturbation. Didn’t know you needed one!

I go to the Wiki link and the first thing I see is this….
This article needs attention from an expert on the subject

That is when my laughter started. The laughter didn’t start small either!

I see I have a notification from some banter with a friend on wordpress. The friend asked me if Barney, that big purple dinosaur should be brought in.

I know alternative words to the Barney song. My laughter is getting more intense.

Same friend and I a while back were lamenting about how every day seemed to be some special day and my poem, “Rolling Over” came out of that interaction.

Along with the almost maniacal laughter I now have some ironic laughter in the mix.

The in public part? Friend said in a private response to me sharing what was going on, and it was as much statement as question, “And you were laughing in a public place, weren’t you?“.

I’m almost howling and I’m thrumming,

My response to friend, “Yesm, I’m in a public place” and I wouldn’t of thought it possible but, the laughter got even stronger.

I wasn’t able to stop laughing for 20 minutes!

God, it was the perfect funny storm.

And a special thanks to my friend for telling me what to keep handy to show people if someone asks about, “the apparent psychotic break“.

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/happy-news-masturbation-actually-has-health-benefits

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Masturbation_Day

Roses and Sunshine

Roses and Sunshine

With all the other things I’ve had going on, in the moment
I just wanted something up that is pretty and fun!

Believe it or not, only one yellow rose was used.

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The Little Bear goes rosy

Quoth Me #7 – Bored?

Bored? I’m never bored. How could I possibly be bored when I have myself to talk to? Being a writer, I know how wonderful it is to talk to myself and then show other people the conversation!

G.R. Hambley
May 11, 2015

Cattitude #6

Cattitude #6 Featuring Linus

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Cattitude Number 6 featuring Linus